Which Is Worse?

As I’ve mentioned before, I run across (not literally, ’cause I slam on the brakes) a lot of interesting wildlife as I sojourn in to work at Oh-Dark-30.  From the raccoons vs. possums gang war at Ye Olde Apartment Complex (and sometimes deer, but those deer are skittish), to the up-in-your-face, you-wanna-fight-about-it deer at the radio station, I ought to be carpooling with Marlin Perkins.  Plus, word is some of the rich white people who have moved into the rich white people subdivision they’ve been building near the station (yeah, I don’t get it either, I thought real estate was DOWN?) have seen a BEAR in their yard, and some of the co-workers say there are foxes and at least one bobcat.

Point is, there’s a metric fuckload of critters runnin’ around in what is supposed to be a pretty big damn CITY (at least for Wes’BYGAWD Virginny).  So when I saw something running purposefully across the work parking lot this morning, I was less worried than intrigued. 

Until I really PROCESSED it.  And determined that it could only be either a freakishly large bug or a horrifically small mouse.  It was FAST and TEEEEEEENY, but not teeny enough to automatically qualify for bug status.  I guess it could have been a very midget-y chipmunk, but I’ve never seen a chipmunk run in a straight line ANYWHERE.

Here’s the thing, though.  I am more concerned by a freakishly small mouse than by a larger-than-expected bug.  I mean, I’ve been to Florida, I know some bugs are factory-made to be bigger than we would prefer, but even a great BIG bug is somehow better than a somehow mutated tiny mouse.  Why IS that?

Either way though, if it gets on me, I’mown drop flat dead.  Or do the Zulu War Dance like Dear Sweet Mama when the lizard ran up her shorts in the graveyard.

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28 Comments

Filed under Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama, I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, Only in Wes' BYGAWD Virginny, Random Thoughts, SCIENCE!, WTF???, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

28 responses to “Which Is Worse?

  1. There do seem to be a lot of mouse sighting’s these days, all though my mice and half mice, half voles. Gosh a bear, don’t forget to leave the house with your bear armour!

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    • I’ve been wearing this bear repellent I bought off the late-night TV — seems to be working as I have not yet been eaten by a bear! And my LEAST favorite tiny rodent was this little shrew I once had on my back patio who made its little chirpy mating call at my dogs…

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  2. In my world, a mouse sized bug out ranks a bug sized mouse.

    I see those little meadow rats run across the road all the time. They are kinda fat and have a shorter tail.

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    • this SEEMED to have a long mouse-like tail… but it ran fast like a bug. So who knows. At least it wasn’t one of our patented river rats — they’re as big as a medium sized dog and COMPLETELY. UNAFRAID.

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  3. No no no…. I’ll take mousie over a bug any old day. Even if it’s a giant mutant mouse with fangs and a snoring problem. And tiny mice are superfast. I used to have a bunch as pets. They escape and it’s like they found a StarTrekky transporter. Zip!

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  4. I have the same reaction to mice and have always been kind of embarrassed about it. I know in my mind that it’s little and I can crush it……but they are so damn FAST!!!! And I really, really, don’t want to have to crush it. This is another good reason to get good with a gun. I happen to know that you can shoot a bat, when the poor thing is sleeping, with a pellet gun and not only does it kill the bat, it makes very little mess to clean up. But the mice are so FAST!!! I’m pretty sure I would never hit them with anything less than a shotgun, and that is a big, big mess, whether you hit the poor mouse or not.
    Cats are the best answer to mice. YAY cats!!

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    • Caveat Cat Emptor, though… I once had a mouse living in the cabinets at my old house and at the time I had SIX cats, none of whom would touch it. They just gathered and stared at the cabinets like they were waiting for ME to get it! Eventually, one of the DOGS had to step up.

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  5. I raised mice as a kid, but there is something really different about seeing a wild one skittle across your kitchen floor. I scream like a girl (that makes sense) and jump on a chair like Blondie in the comics.

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    • In the same incident as above, I opened the cabinet to find the wee mouse perched atop the tuna fish LOOKING at me! I screamed and ran all through the house like the hounds of Hell were after me. The mouse just pooped and left.

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  6. Hmm, never been bothered by mice — one got loose in my college dorm once and I have vivid memories of the girls running around shrieking, while the guy down the hall and I calmly made plans to trap it. Big bugs on the other hand….we lived for a time in Alabama and they had flying roaches. This is one of many reasons why I wear combat boots. Ain’t nothing coming back alive from that kind of crushing.

    Also, I’m afraid of moose.

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  7. Is there a Littles infestation in WBGV?

    I’ve always wanted to visit your neck of the woods, but the fucking river rat description you gave makes me need to find some sort of rat proof body armor. I just moved to “the new south”, according to the billboard and water tower, and I have no idea what kind of critters to expect. Maybe Billy the Exterminator should move in with me. I find him hot in a backwoods-kinda-dirty way.

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    • And the best thing about Billy is he uses the same kind of bullshit made-up plans for catching stuff that we ourselves would use! If there are littles, I’m calling in an airstrike, those things freaked me out!
      PS, I don’t know about the “new south,” but we’re pretty much just the regular south and we have all sorts of shit that wants to kill you!

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  8. I once saw a giant cockroach chase a tiny mouse in my house in New Orleans. I was rooting for the mouse. I don’t like anything with too many legs. And to push the creep factor up a notch, are you sure it wasn’t one of those huntsmen spiders? They move too fast, and I am pretty sure they are actually a precursor to the alien invasion. Just sayin’. They also run in a straight line.

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  9. DearSweetMama

    The dogs here keep catchingregular sized moles. And then leave them in the front yard for me to pick up after they have carried them around with their legs and tails hanging from their mouths all day. The dog’s mouths, not the moles. At least they are still whole but seem freakishly big because I am used to voles. And weird looking. One of the reasons I don’t like having to walk in the dark over to Cousin Hep’s to make her go in the house and sleep and get off the porch or front yard. That and the elk and the coyotes and the peacock the neighbor has that scares the youknow out of me everytime I hear it in the dark.

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    • It’s also a reason you would think she would get her drunk ass in the HOUSE instead of trying to sleep in the yard! What if a bunch of moles carried her down into their tunnel and made her their Queen?

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  10. I read that as “freakishly small HORSE” and was all “SQUEEE! I teeny, tiny horse! Why’s she more freaked about about that than a big bu…OH…”

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  11. Yesterday a coworker smashed a huge spider that was climbing up his arm. Every time he came back into our office he checked to make sure it was still dead. Because, yes, it was big enough you could still find the corpse on the carpeted floor.

    Maybe it was a Wyoming mouse? Lots of mouse talk on the blogosphere this week!

    And the Secret of Nimh is one of my favorite movies! That, and The Last Unicorn. A uuuuuuuuunicorn! It’s a uuuuuuuuuuunicorn!

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    • Last Unicorn makes me cry like a little bitch Every. Single. Time. And Secret of NIMH rocks because it has the disturbingly handsome Justin the Rat in it. And what kind of weirdo smashes a spider while it’s ON them???? eeeeeeewwwwww

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  12. We recently had enough evidence of an asshole mouse creeping in our house (enough to totally piss me off) that I set up traps bragging to the man how I was gonna kill the SOB. Well I did, found in the trap under the sink and completely ruined my tough girl image with the man when I squealed and hoped around screaming “EWWWWWWWWW!!!!” as if the thing was alive. In short, I understand…

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    • Once the dog finally killed my mouse in the house, I admit I did scream and wig completely out that I was going to have to pick up its dead, punctured corpse. I may have even been more freaked out than I was when it was alive!

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  13. I once thought I saw a horde of tiny mice crossing the highway in front of me which kind of freaked me out. Then I realized it was blowing leaves. Then I thought, it’s kind of scary I’m driving and can’t differentiate between a tribe of mobile mice and blowing leaves. Then I thought, they let old people in glaucoma glasses drive, so I guess I must be OK. This is not really the point I meant to make, so I’ll quit typing now.

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    • Dear Sweet Mama and I were once driving along when we saw a horde of frogs (or toads, I dunno) crossing the road. I guess they were going someplace to mate or lay eggs or something. But the best part is, DSM sees something weird and unexplainable in the road in front of her, and makes HER ONLY CHILD (of course, me) get out to investigate!

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  14. I’d take a mouse any day over a Palmetto Bug.

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  15. this looked like it might… possibly… be a combination of the 2. And if that’s true, I’m never going outside again.

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