Just some random crap from the ol’ C.T….
1. The answer to any question can be changed from “yes” to “no” or vice-versa by replacing the word “should” with “will.” For example: Should I eat my weight in king crab legs until I am actually physically sick just to make sure the Seafood Buffet doesn’t screw me on the all-you-can-eat deal? No. Will I eat my weight in king crab legs until I am actually physically sick just to make sure the Seafood Buffet doesn’t screw me on the all-you-can-eat deal? Oh HELL yes.
It also works the other way: Should I be responsible and pay my bills before I spend all my money on whiskey and Pez? Yes. Will I be responsible and pay my bills before I spend all my money on whiskey and Pez? Shut up and grab that other crate of Pez.
2. I may be wrong, but in my quest to pick up profanity in other languages, I often come across racial slurs, and I think Arnold Schwarzenegger’s name may be 2 of them mooshed together. Consider, “schwartze” is a dirty dirty word for black people in German/Yiddish… and we all know what word the last part of his name sounds like. So, Arnold, if you wanna be President, change your name to WhiteTrash McHonkeycracker. It zings!
(and yes, I know Ah-nold shouldn’t be able to be President because he was born in Austria… but you don’t marry creepy-ass-looking big-teeth-having Maria Shriver unless you’re hoping to ride the Kennedy train to POTUSville. Just sayin’.)
3. The end is officially near. I just saw a commercial for that ProActiv zit cream you buy off a cart in the mall and the girl who used it to get rid of her zits was named — no shit — “Allegra.” Maybe it’s not pimples, maybe you’re… I dunno… ALLERGIC to something?