HA! I Said “HA!”

THE RACCOON ALMOST GOT CHUCKWEASEL!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I am fucking VINDICATED, y’all.  After all his, “You really need to look before you pet things, Hoody,” and “You’re gonna get the rabies, Hoody,” HE ALMOST PETTED THE DAMN THING HIMSELF! 

Here’s how it went down — I get a call from the PARKING LOT this morning, and Chuckweasel says “I’d like to come in, but there’s a raccoon between me and the door.”  And he huddled out by the car until it went away!  When he finally got inside, he admitted “I can see how you almost petted him, he doesn’t walk like a raccoon.”  HA!

My second thought for the day —  something I have noticed since I quit smoking.  Back when I smoked, and I ran out of cigarettes, people would get all shitty when I tried to bum one.  Now that I am a former smoker, everybody and their brother wants to give me a cigarette!  WTF?  Smokers are like the Mafia or something, and I’m Anthony Corleone! (I think that’s the right Corleone, the one who every time he tries to get out, they pull him back in?).  How can they TELL I used to smoke and would really like to have kept doing it?  Damn Pod People.

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10 Comments

Filed under La Vida Loca, Random Thoughts, Twu Wuuv, WTF???, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

10 responses to “HA! I Said “HA!”

  1. I don’t know anything about ex-smokers but I know people who lose a lot of weight are always trying to get you to eat. What is that about?

    If a raccoon does not walk like a raccoon that is it a raccoon?

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  2. Drunks are the same way if you quit drinking, which is why I never will! And the weird thing is, he also doesn’t make the raccoon noise (you know, like a dolphin?) — so he may be a possum in a raccoon suit.

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  3. “THE RACCOON ALMOST GOT CHUCKWEASEL!”—Best opening line ever!

    I’m gonna need to see a vlog of Chuckweasel’s impression of how a raccoon walks.

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  4. Raccoons can be MEAN! And I know what you mean by the pod people and not smoking. I miss it terribly and frequently give in. DO NOT tell my kids. lol

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  5. It’s true! They all want to give you a cigarette or food. But it’s the ones that buy you drinks that are the best to be around so tell everyone you’re in AA.

    Now here’s the old vet tech advice- giver coming out in me- All wildlife should be avoided, but any nocturnal animal, such as a raccoon or fox, seen in the daytime should be suspected of having rabies. Possums, on the other hand, rarely get rabies because of their low body tempuratures.

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    • well, I’ve only seen him at like 10 o’clock at night and 4-ish in the morning (when it’s dark), so he’s PROLLY not rabid… but I ain’t takin’ no chances. And I didn’t know that about possums… I always thought they were just too mean to begin with to need to get rabies!

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  6. I hear ya on the smoking mafia thing. I once had to buy a cigarette off a teenager for fifty cents. FIFTY CENTS. He wouldn’t give me one for free, so I had to start haggling. WTF. I used to ALWAYS give people cigarettes. I was all “Cigarettes! Get Your Free Cigarettes!” And when I needed one, where was the world?
    Now that I’ve sort of quit smoking, the other day my boss walks up to me and offers me not one but 2 cigarettes. “You’ll need one for later.” What, are you going to fire me?

    How can they tell? Cigarette smokers have a heightened sense of awareness. They’re also funnier. That’s the hard part about quitting. Becoming boring. Hanging out with the boring people while the smokers are outside talking about new sex toys and how much condoms cost.

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  7. that’s true, the smokers do have better jokes and sex stories. I KNEW IT WAS WHAT MADE ME COOL! Dammit.

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