Things I Don’t Know

I recently saw something I had never seen before, and it reminded me of one of the stupidest things I ever thought was true.  I saw a boy wild turkey trying to catch the eyes of 2 girl wild turkeys (they didn’t appear interested, as Chuckweasel pointed out, maybe they jush wanna dansh by theirshelves)  — and I had never seen a boy wild turkey, so I was amazed that they have the big ol’ traditional turkey butt plumage that domestic ones have.  So he’s shaking his butt at the women, and they keep scuttling off, and I am FRICKIN’.  FASCINATED.

But we were on the interstate, and Chuckweasel for some reason frowns upon illegally pulling over on the interstate to watch turkey porn, so we continued on.  And I recalled that, as a child  (okay, until like last year) I did not think birds had sex.

Now, I am not that stupid.  I knew something had to be occurring to make more birds, but I also knew how insects and fish — which also lay eggs — do the whole I’ll put these eggs over here and you just get to them when you’re ready method, so I figured birds did, too.  And don’t ask me how I thought the… uh, product got through the eggshell, I don’t know.  I guess I thought they stayed soft long enough for the rooster to get there. 

Then I meet Chuckweasel, and he used to keep pet birds, and he informs me that my ideas regarding bird reproduction are ludicrously retarded.  Which I think is a slang term for “endearing and well-thought-out.”  When you add this to the head cheese thing, it’s a wonder I’m allowed out without a helmet.