I recently saw something I had never seen before, and it reminded me of one of the stupidest things I ever thought was true. I saw a boy wild turkey trying to catch the eyes of 2 girl wild turkeys (they didn’t appear interested, as Chuckweasel pointed out, maybe they jush wanna dansh by theirshelves) — and I had never seen a boy wild turkey, so I was amazed that they have the big ol’ traditional turkey butt plumage that domestic ones have. So he’s shaking his butt at the women, and they keep scuttling off, and I am FRICKIN’. FASCINATED.
But we were on the interstate, and Chuckweasel for some reason frowns upon illegally pulling over on the interstate to watch turkey porn, so we continued on. And I recalled that, as a child (okay, until like last year) I did not think birds had sex.
Now, I am not
that stupid. I knew something had to be occurring to make more birds, but I also knew how insects and fish — which also lay eggs — do the whole I’ll put these eggs over here and you just get to them when you’re ready method, so I figured birds did, too. And don’t ask me how I thought the… uh, product got through the eggshell, I don’t know. I guess I thought they stayed soft long enough for the rooster to get there.
Then I meet Chuckweasel, and he used to keep pet birds, and he informs me that my ideas regarding bird reproduction are ludicrously retarded. Which I think is a slang term for “endearing and well-thought-out.” When you add this to the head cheese thing, it’s a wonder I’m allowed out without a helmet.