Road Trip Wrap Up

I was going to title this “There and Back Again,” but it seems  like that’s been taken…

Alright, we rejoin our valiant heroes as they journey from the ballpark to the way-too-far-away-for-the-money hotel inadvertently selected by stupid bassurds who shoulda known better.  When they finally reach the sanctuary of their room, they discover that the pizza joint advertised on the in-room flyer has closed for the night (fuckers).  So they resort to that old standby… Papa John’s.

Okay, I can’t do that verb tense anymore… Anyhoo, Chuckweasel was all excited because he got that recording that says “Thank you for calling, an associate will take your order shortly,” so we knew they were still open.  He placed the order, and I tottered off to bed after instructing him to wake me when the food got there (I had been awake for 22 hours and drunk for 6 at that point, so sue me!).  Cut to about an hour and a half later, Chuckweasel gets in the bed and says morosely, “I don’t think they’re coming.”

And indeed they never did, so we went to sleep without pizza.  How is that even possible, that you take someone’s order and then you just DON’T GO?  The pizza-delivery process is a sacred trust, and it has been violated!

So that disappointment is probably part of what led us to eat at not one, but 2 restaurants in the same mall the next day.  We started off at Maggiano’s Little Italy, which  is the best Italian place we have found so far, outside actual Italian places in Italian neighborhoods and such.  Chuckweasel had the Chicken Parmesan that he always has (he fears change) and I… I had what shall forever be known as “The Jesus Canneloni.”

It’s actually a crab and shrimp canneloni, but in describing it to Dear Sweet Mama, I said, “You know, it’s like if Jesus came over to your house… ” and she interrupted with “This is what you’d fix Him for dinner?”  And I said, “Oh, no, Dear Sweet Mama… this is what HE’d fix YOU.”  Yes, the crab and shrimp canneloni was so good, I literally almost wept… and I did shake the chef’s hand on the way out (possibly in the hope that he’d be covered in sauce…).

Then we walked around the mall to digest, touring such favorites as Brookstone (the SkyMall of the ground) and Pottery Barn (the store for people who can’t find the flea market).  Then, it was off to the Cheesecake Factory for dessert.  BTW, I had never been to a Cheesecake Factory, but this is the method Chuckweasel recommends:  he says their food is nothing special, but you MUST go there for dessert.

I had the Tiramisu cheesecake (because, DUH!  WINNING!) and Chuckweasel had the Pineapple Upside-Down Cheesecake (because, despite his claims to the contrary, he was using my allergy to pina to prevent cake-napping).  Oh.  My. GAWD they make some good cheesecake, yo!  I guess that’s why they named it that…

I think this may finish the tales of the trip… I’ll ponder over the weekend and get back to y’all.  And sometime next week, as promised:  The Apocolist!



Filed under La Vida Loca, On the Road Again, Twu Wuuv, WTF???

26 responses to “Road Trip Wrap Up

  1. You’re allergic to pineapple? That makes me sad. Are you allergic to anything else?


  2. erythromycin, but they don’t put that in a lot of mixed drinks! That’s how I found out I was allergic to pina — the Red Lobster Lotta Colada made my throat close up! But I can still eat Almond Joys (thank GAWD!), so it’s the pina, not the colada.


  3. I’ve done that — waited for food that never came.
    Something kinda sad about that, isn’t there?

    And pineapple? Love it, but it sets my mouth on fire in three bites…



    • I asked Chuckweasel the next morning why he didn’t call them and bitch, but apparently he was too traumatized by their betrayal and just went to sleep instead. I would probably have called and bitched, but then it would have been inadvisable to eat whatever they brought…


  4. Sounds like we were in the same mall in alternate universes – Tuesday, my daughter and I went to Pottery Barn, Brookstone (gotta get a Boogie Board), and ate at California Pizza – but they have both Maggiano’s and Cheesecake Factory, too.


  5. Great description of Brookstone.

    My favorite Cheesecake Factory cheesecake is Chocolate Peanut Butter Cookie Dough Cheesecake, but I’m kind of ashamed of that fact (because it sounds overly complicated and un-cheesecake-y), so I always order it in hushed tones in the restaurant and hope everyone else will be distracted enough by their own desserts that they don’t notice what I’m eating.


    • I was almost in the same “embarrassed to not really be eating cheesecake at The Cheesecake Factory” boat — they have regular tiramisu, too, and that is my absolutely favorite thing. Luckily, I saw the tiramisu cheesecake in time to avert the shame.


  6. I’m allergic to pineapple in the way I’m allergic to being outside when it’s over 90 degrees! *shudder*

    The pizza not showing up is just TRAGIC! If I’d have had the strength in the morning I might have gone and burned the place down! But then Papa John’s reproduce like rabbits, so there’s no reaso to expend the energy.

    Good call!


    • I’m kinda hopeful… the last time Papa John’s pissed me off (they sent buffalo wings instead of regular chicken, and I HATE that orange sauce!), I didn’t say anything and somehow, they just KNEW and sent me a coupon for a free pizza. So I try to think upset-thoughts at them at least once a day, hoping for more free shit.


  7. I like Chuckweasel’s method. You just get what you want, and nothing but that at each place. And cheesecake, it goes without saying, is always a winner.


  8. The Cheesecake Factory back “home” in San Diego made the BEST Dirty Martini in the universe. Being wise beyond my years, and knowing I might not be there for a while, I usually had several so they’d tide me over.
    I don’t remember much after that.


    • I had white sangria, which doesn’t really go with cheesecake, but I LIKES it. Unfortunately, I think they may have used the forbidden pina fruit, because my lips got all rashy. Or I licked them too much from the deliciousness and got them chapped. Whichever.


  9. You have to try the braised beef canneloni the next time you go to maggiano’s and the salads at the cheesecake factory are really good. Actually, I like quite a bit of the foodd at the cheesecake factory but I hate cheesecake so I had to find some redeeming quality for the restaurant.


    • I was actually WAITING to get the Crab and Shrimp Canneloni ever since the Maggiano’s email list sent me a note about it… it almost made me lick the computer screen!


  10. True story. One time when I was in my teens I too ordered a pizza that never came. Even worse, I called them every half hour and they assured me it was coming. Finally, three hours later, my Dad told me to eat a sandwich.


    • My worst was the time my Chinese place tried to deliver my food to the YMCA up the street. The driver was too English-challenged to figure things out, so the RECEPTIONIST at the Y had to get my number off the ticket to call me so we could get me my food!


  11. SassyO

    I set up a Skype call with my sister in Scotland so that I could read her the paragraph about Jesus cannelloni. I know I could have sent her the link to the blog, but I wanted to hear her chortle the same way I did.

    We love Maggiano’s as well, and have always been fans of the 4-way ravioli (or whatever it’s called). Now, however, when she comes back to visit, we are totally having Jesus cannelloni. And we’re going to ask the waiter for it by that name.


  12. Wow. It may be a sad indicator about my life but we’re officially planning a vacation just to go to Maggiano’s. Is it a chain or franchise or are we headed to Ohio?


  13. That no-show pizza tale brought tears to my eyes.

    Next time plan a road trip farther north to Boston, so you can check on me and then inform Dear Sweet Mama that I’m not dead.


    • Chuckweasel and I have so far taken 2 road trips that other people would consider ludicrously far to drive — one to New York and one to Myrtle Beach. Those were about 8 hours apiece… Boston is about 12… we can do it!


  14. Did you eat at Skyline Chili or White Castle?


    • Skyline, oh yeah, baby! We didn’t get any White Castle this time, because by the time I could have possibly shoved any more food down my neck-hole, we were heading home, and I can’t eat White Castle unless I’m close to… shall we say… facilities.


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