Now that I’m back from the Ninth Circle of FCC Report Hell, I thought I’d give y’all an inside scoop into “A Day in the Life of Hoody-Hoo.” And remember, when I say “I read the news today, oh boy,” I really fuckin’ mean it!
ALARM GOES OFF (AKA Oh-Dark-30): Wake up in the morning feeling ABSOLUTELY NOTHING like P-Diddy. Feed Queen Callie Jean, get reasonably clean and dressed (what do they expect at this hour? besides, that’s the beauty of radio!) . Drive to work, listening to nutjob wackos on “Coast to Coast AM.”
ARRIVAL AT WORK: Say hey to the overnight board operator, check Associated Press wire and the interwebz for story ideas. See what the day-shift guy has left for me (usually somewhere between “jack” and “shit”) — swear for approximately 4.9 minutes. Sort the wheat (very little) from the chaff, write local headlines. Pick a national lead story using AP and network affiliate (swear some more because it’s Fox).
TOP OF THE HOUR: Live headlines, then write and edit (or re-edit, in the case of the day shift stuff — you stupid bastard, :22 seconds is NOT a motherfucking soundbite!) national and local news stories.
BOTTOM OF THE HOUR: Live news read, then distribute news copy and sound to other interested station(s) — generally only one doesn’t use me (fuckers). Choose 3 “weird news” type stories for live news kickers; write headlines and scripts.
TOP OF THE HOUR: Live headlines #2, then record newscasts for talk stations (6 newscasts to run hourly until 11:30am) Upload to talk station automated server. Download, edit and upload syndicated programs for talk and sports stations.
BOTTOM OF THE HOUR: Live news read #2, then select, write and record story to leave for the day shift guy. 2 more cycles of live headlines and live news follow, in between which I talk to you bitches so I can stay at least partially sane!
TIME IS UP!: End of shift — go home (well, leave work). Do whatever errands need doing, then head home and IMMEDIATELY FEED THE CAT! Do in-the-house chores for awhile, veg out in front of crap TV. See the dear Weasel as much as I can, but as much as I love CW… sometimes sleep wins out!
BEDTIME: Eventually fall asleep — cycle repeats tomorrow.
Of course, this is only Monday through Thursday — on Fridays I sleep during the day to prepare for the bar, and on Saturdays I ONLY have the bar (SWEET!). And on Sundays, I clean. Or sleep. Whatever.
And the best part? People think this job is GLAMOROUS!