Weekend Update (Sadly Tina Fey-Free)

Gotta do this relatively fast so I can dive into the Hell That Is the Quarterly FCC Reports (time flies, don’t it?). 

So Friday, we get to the bar to discover the light in our DJ booth has gone to its final reward, so I run back up the hill to my apartment to get the clip-on light we use at weddings and parties.  I get out of the car and see movement out of the corner of my eye (some of you already know where this is going).

Yes, I leaned down to pet what I THOUGHT was one of the stray cat boyfriends… and it was a raccoon.  He wasn’t at all alarmed by my “Heeeeey, RACCOON!” and sudden flight to the door, he just kept ambling along. 

I just have this horrible feeling he was all like, “You know Callie Jean’s Mom?  She’s frickin’ NUTS,” when he was talking to his raccoon homies later.  ‘Cause I have a feeling that cat has been flirting with the raccoons.  Just like her Aunt Wallis — who lives with Dear Sweet Mama and makes the “hey sailor” noise at FOXES.  Our cats ain’t right.

More on the weekend later — must spend some time in hell.

PS — This does officially count as one of Chuckweasel’s numerous attempts to get me murdered, although he claims I was in no danger.  LIES.



Filed under Calpurnia Jean, He's the DJ I'm the Rapper, La Vida Loca, Only in Wes' BYGAWD Virginny, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

13 responses to “Weekend Update (Sadly Tina Fey-Free)

  1. A raccoon? That’s awesome! Glad it didn’t turn on you or anything.


    • Actually, he was calmer about the whole thing than I was — he just gave me a little “Wassup?” kind of look before he continued on his way. As for ME, I was backing frantically toward the door…


  2. No cats are truly “right.” Monkey is, as we speak, licking the sofa pillow. Just licking and licking and making this “hey baby” sound. Sofa pillow porn, right here in the heartland. Swampland. Whatever. I just know that now my sofa pillow is wet.

    PS. Raccoons both fascinate and creep me the hell out. The haaaaands! The tiny haaaaaaands!


    • Saw another one this morning, “washing” something in the water-filled ditch with its wee hands. Soooo cute, but at the same time… I think he could steal my car.

      And Callie does the licking for no reason thing, too — generally its my hands, leading me to believe I am A) Dirty or B) Delicious.


  3. Hahah! I bet she does a pepe le peu and paints herself to look like one of them.

    Raccoons are cute with their little burglar outfits…okay so I admit we don’t have them here so my cuteness has only been measured through photo’s and what lies the tv tells me.


  4. Sorry, I am in the raccoon fan club. Although you do not want to piss them off. Especially the big males. I have a friend who has one as a pet and they are adorable in a monkey-getting-into-trouble-can-take-your-house-down kind of way.


    • this one seemed to be kinda small — maybe a youngster? But Dear Sweet Mama taught me that absolutely EVERYTHING will give you the rabies if you even look at it funny, so wild creatures who get too close to me creep me out!


  5. Random raccoon stories:

    I was driving home from a very late night at work a few years ago and I saw this dog walking down the street. Except it was the biggest raccoon I have ever seen in my life. He walked to the intersection, waited for the crosswalk to give him the right of way, then crossed the street. He went down into the drain on the other side – getting stuck a little at his pudgy middle and kicking his back feet in the air. Very cool. Because I was in a car.

    Two weeks ago The Boy and I were walking home and saw a little raccoon run down the sidewalk and dive into the drain. A couple seconds behind? A tiny little orange tabby. Feeling very manly. He went and looked down the drain, made eye contact with us in a “I have everything under control here” way, and headed back to his house.


    • “That’s right, you get your raccoon ass in that drain! You do what I say ’cause I said it!” — that’s what the orange tabby says when the raccoon runs away.

      “No sir, I wasn’t even following you, not at all, and what a beautiful coat you have as well!” — that’s what he says if the raccoon turns around!


  6. You handled it well. I would have had to convince myself that A. This raccoon will get a lot less friendly if I try to stuff it in my car and B. Raccoons like living in places with trees and rivers and trashcans and busy roads NOT in my house.


    • Again, I owe this to Dear Sweet Mama for instilling the rabies-fear at a very young age. I think she mainly did it specifically to keep me from bringing strange animals into the house!


  7. DearSweetMama

    You finally figured me out. After “Won’t You Go Home Mr”Bailey and Chester, the famous limping cat, I was somewhat concerned that every time I left the house I had another animal. Of course, as I am out here in Oregon, the Concubine has informed me she is caring for an injured robin. Hope it doesn’t end up like the cardinal, which after it was well and we let it go the neighborhood cat ate it. Sigh.


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