Some of You Need Help

Okay, I haven’t done one of these yet, mostly because this is a fairly new blog and nothing really weird had come up yet.  But all that has changed, my friends…

Someone has landed on this blog by searching the question: “Can your lips go numb from eating too much garlic?”

Umm… I don’t know.  How much are we talking about?  I think you’d be violently sick long before you experienced any numbness… not to mention extremely unpopular.

“Dennis Quaid” remains a perennial favorite on the search terms… is it wrong of me to hope that one of those is him Googling himself?  Forget it, I’ve just decided it’s true:  Hey, guess what?  Dennis Quaid reads my blog!

Then there’s the disturbing ones.  “Cat groaning salivation.”  Why would you even search that in the first place?  And, for the record, Callie Jean does not GROAN, she GRUNTS.  Kind of like a baby pig.  It’s cute.

“Um wee ta did.”  I don’t even know what that means.  I’d search it myself, but I’m halfway convinced it’s some kind of Steve Jobs voodoo chant that will kill my computer… or it’s porn.  Probably porn.

“Badpappa, bad papa, and badpapa.com.”  I know what you were looking for, you freaks.  And it was most definitely NOT my diatribe about pizza.  For SHAME.

Then there’s the one that PISSES. ME. OFF.  “Evil Spinster Troll.”  Now, dammit, let’s get this straight.  I am the Spinster Lady, the Evil Troll is my most recent ex-boyfriend (so named because, like life, he is nasty, brutish and short).  There is no combination of the two, that’s part of why we broke up in the first place!  ; )

And for whoever found me by searching “Jesus Crafts” — I really am very, very sorry.

No I’m not.