Some of You Need Help

Okay, I haven’t done one of these yet, mostly because this is a fairly new blog and nothing really weird had come up yet.  But all that has changed, my friends…

Someone has landed on this blog by searching the question: “Can your lips go numb from eating too much garlic?”

Umm… I don’t know.  How much are we talking about?  I think you’d be violently sick long before you experienced any numbness… not to mention extremely unpopular.

“Dennis Quaid” remains a perennial favorite on the search terms… is it wrong of me to hope that one of those is him Googling himself?  Forget it, I’ve just decided it’s true:  Hey, guess what?  Dennis Quaid reads my blog!

Then there’s the disturbing ones.  “Cat groaning salivation.”  Why would you even search that in the first place?  And, for the record, Callie Jean does not GROAN, she GRUNTS.  Kind of like a baby pig.  It’s cute.

“Um wee ta did.”  I don’t even know what that means.  I’d search it myself, but I’m halfway convinced it’s some kind of Steve Jobs voodoo chant that will kill my computer… or it’s porn.  Probably porn.

“Badpappa, bad papa, and”  I know what you were looking for, you freaks.  And it was most definitely NOT my diatribe about pizza.  For SHAME.

Then there’s the one that PISSES. ME. OFF.  “Evil Spinster Troll.”  Now, dammit, let’s get this straight.  I am the Spinster Lady, the Evil Troll is my most recent ex-boyfriend (so named because, like life, he is nasty, brutish and short).  There is no combination of the two, that’s part of why we broke up in the first place!  ; )

And for whoever found me by searching “Jesus Crafts” — I really am very, very sorry.

No I’m not.



Filed under Calpurnia Jean, I'm Confused, Random Thoughts, Weep for Humanity, WTF???

26 responses to “Some of You Need Help

  1. Search terms provide hours of entertainment.


  2. I’ve never done this for my own blog. 🙂 I’m afraid.



  3. I will consider my blog a success when it is:
    a) found by weird or scary search terms, and
    b) inspiring bizarre PR pitches for odd products.

    To help YOU with the interesting search terms, I give you the gift of weird words: cat diapers, feline enemas, burping toads, kung fu pizza and dogs in T-shirts.

    No need to thank me.


  4. I searched “Two midgets, One Bowl” and landed here.


  5. Yeah, I had to stop looking at those. My blog got:
    “exile on coldharbour lane”
    “arguments against christmas”
    and my favorite:
    “fat invisibility”
    I keep worrying I will get something that looks like horrible, horrible, I-wish-I-could-un-see-that porn (like the time someone sent me a link to quadra-amputee porn one time), and things will never be the same.


  6. I tried out your search do-hicky on here, I searched sausage factory…no hits…cheese hits but my third search (i must be hungry) of Bread-bin took me to your The HoodyHoo Diet blog 🙂

    I’m sure this search system is not the same as the one your are blogging about so pray-tell how does that one work?


  7. I just googled I really truly wish I never had. Also, you are totally result #6 on there.


  8. Search terms are hilariously fascinating to me. Jesus Crafts is my favorite.


  9. This is one of my goals for my blog. People finding my stuff from searching absolutely ridiculous stuff. I will remain motivated with this in mind ALONE.


  10. My most common search terms are variations of ” Carson City cat houses”, and “Facebook 12 Steps”.

    Yup, I get the classy, sex-and-Facebook addict searchers.


  11. so i’m computer-illiterate, but how do you check your search terms? because i’m pretty sure some hilarity is out there lurking, in the search terms for my blog.


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