I discovered during my recent bout of Death-Flu that not ONLY have the meth-heads ruined being sick by making them take the good shit out of cold medicine, the drug company bassurds have ALSO taken the alcohol out of cough syrup! What the HELL, man? The only good thing about being sick is the traditional Nyquil Julep, and now we can’t even have that!
But the fact that I’m not as messed-up on meds as I used to be proves that the weird shit I have discovered while taking it easy on the couch is NOT the drugs talking…
1. The men on the “my-dick-don’t-work” pill commercials are NOT ATTRACTIVE. You know their wives were all like “Yes! Free at last!” and then he came home with the Viagra.
2. The wilder the hairdo on a person, the more I believe their crackpot theories. The little Greek dude on “Ancient Aliens” has hair that CANNOT LIE.
3. I wanna be a rollergirl, but I wanna be allowed to punch a bitch, and apparently they’ve got rules or something. The only rule should be that other people aren’t allowed to punch ME.
4. Brendan Fraser is good looking… but also weird looking. I can’t decide.
5. Allegedly, an alligator can bite through your en-tire leg in one chomp, but you can hold his mouth SHUT with your hands. This has GOT to be bullshit, but I ain’t gonna test it.
AND BONUS: I know the amygdala is a part of the brain, but the word sounds like a private part, so I cannot have an adult conversation about it. I’m twelve.