Sharing Is NOT Caring

Okay, this is a message for all the parents out there — yes, it is important to teach your child to share, but can we please use something other than their cold germs to do that?  One of the reasons I don’t have children of my own is the fact that they’re horrible little disease factories… love ya, kids!

When did this trend start, that it’s not okay to stay the fuck home when you’re sick?  Okay, I get it, you’re Big ol’ Becky Badass, coming to work no matter what kind of funk you’ve got, because you’re all dedicated and shit.  But GUESS WHAT?  You aren’t the only one who benefits from you using your sick days… the rest of us would vastly prefer to do without you for a couple of days than share a damn cubicle with Typhoid Mary!

But Hoody, you say, aren’t you yourself twice as sick as Ozzy Osbourne right now and yet you yourself are, in fact, at work?  Well, yes.  But in my defense — ever since the Firing of Chuckweasel, my department has exactly 2, count ’em TWO, en-tire employees… so I have no choice but to work, because the other guy would literally DIE if I called him in the middle of the night to call in sick.  Also, I am all alone in my own little room here, so the chances of me infecting anyone is extremely limited. 

But I know EXACTLY where I got this cold — from an unattended child at a gig Chuckweasel and I did this weekend.  That’s another thing — we are DJ’s, not babysitters, so if you could please attend your child, that’d be great.  But no, it fell to Hoody to entertain the little bastards precious snowflakes, and one of them had the plague.  Also, the one that would have fallen out the open window to be mooshed on the pavement below had Hoody not made him quit leaning out like a crazy person?  YOU’RE WELCOME.

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8 Comments

Filed under He's the DJ I'm the Rapper, La Vida Loca, Random Thoughts, Weep for Humanity, WTF???

8 responses to “Sharing Is NOT Caring

  1. Children are walking petri dishes of every germ imaginable. I avoid them like the plague, because they usually have that too.

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    • I couldn’t avoid this one, she had been abandoned by her parents (seriously, we didn’t even see them until the event was over) and had no one to play with, so she wanted to dance with me. We did find out that she knew all the words AND THE DANCE to “Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go,” which was super cool.

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  2. You usually can tell who in the office has small children by the amount of colds, flues and overall body-ick they drag in to share with the rest of us.

    I agree, go home.

    And stop bringing the darlings in the building, I don’t care and I don’t want to hold them.

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    • People who bring their kids to the office freak me out — number one, the office is DIRTY, that kid’s gonna get the herpes. Number 2– if you can bring yours, I can bring mine… at least if Callie Jean has a disease, YOU CAN’T CATCH IT!

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  3. Dear Sweet Mama

    Having suffered recently through a bout of toenail vomiting plague, I hear you, darlin’. Makes me want to quit teaching Sunday School.

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  4. I don’t exaggerate when I say my father was not sick for a single day in 35 years. Then my nephew was born. Then my niece. Those two kids have super bionic bugs. Now my dad can’t go for a visit at their house without catching some sort of crud. They broke him.

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    • I have this vision of you standing the little nuggets in the corner yelling “You broke your Paw-Paw! You broke your Paw-Paw!” What the hell, it’s not like YOU have to pay for their therapy!

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