Okay, this is a message for all the parents out there — yes, it is important to teach your child to share, but can we please use something other than their cold germs to do that? One of the reasons I don’t have children of my own is the fact that they’re horrible little disease factories… love ya, kids!
When did this trend start, that it’s not okay to stay the fuck home when you’re sick? Okay, I get it, you’re Big ol’ Becky Badass, coming to work no matter what kind of funk you’ve got, because you’re all dedicated and shit. But GUESS WHAT? You aren’t the only one who benefits from you using your sick days… the rest of us would vastly prefer to do without you for a couple of days than share a damn cubicle with Typhoid Mary!
But Hoody, you say, aren’t you yourself twice as sick as Ozzy Osbourne right now and yet you yourself are, in fact, at work? Well, yes. But in my defense — ever since the Firing of Chuckweasel, my department has exactly 2, count ’em TWO, en-tire employees… so I have no choice but to work, because the other guy would literally DIE if I called him in the middle of the night to call in sick. Also, I am all alone in my own little room here, so the chances of me infecting anyone is extremely limited.
But I know EXACTLY where I got this cold — from an unattended child at a gig Chuckweasel and I did this weekend. That’s another thing — we are DJ’s, not babysitters, so if you could please attend your child, that’d be great. But no, it fell to Hoody to entertain the
little bastards precious snowflakes, and one of them had the plague. Also, the one that would have fallen out the open window to be mooshed on the pavement below had Hoody not made him quit leaning out like a crazy person? YOU’RE WELCOME.