Are We There Yet?

This week feels like she’s just a-draggin’, y’all, and my brain is full of snot and nonsense… so here’s some of it.

1.  Emergen-C may in fact be the only reason I’m still alive right now with all the sickly fuckers around work — that stuff makes you feel like you could arm wrestle Jesus!

2.  I’m becoming disappointed in My Strange Addiction… it seems to be turning more and more into “People Who Just Need a Smack.”  I mean, the girl who’s in her fucking twenties and still sucks her thumb IN PUBLIC no less?  Fucking STOP that, nuff said!

3.  On the Chuckweasel’s Firing Front– proof that karma exists!  First one of the fuckers responsible was out sick for A WEEK with some kind of death-flu… then their computers got all fucked up (even worse than mine, if you can imagine!)… and now the sickly one has caught somebody trying to break into his car!  Damn, y’all!  They GOT to stop telling me this shit when I’m wearing my tight bra, I could bust a rib!

4.  Callie Jean’s new favorite game is “Laundry Pile Foxholes.”  Basically, she hunkers down behind one pile waiting to be washed, then suddenly leaps up and lands behind another one, all the while making the crazy ears-laid-back face and lashing her tail.  Then she grabs a toy or a wad of paper and drags it in with her as a “hostage” — that cat ain’t right.

5.  On a related note — no matter how much you love your pet… it is extremely disconcerting when they roll around ecstatically in a pile of your unwashed underwear.

That should do for now — Chuckweasel and I are going out to the Red Lobster for a belated Valentine’s Day dinner tonight (it has to be tonight since tomorrow we start working at the bar!), so when next we meet, I’ll be chock full of fried fish and mojitos.  Also those cheddar biscuits, ’cause Chuckweasel, being the world’s most perfect man, DOES NOT LIKE THEM –so I get them all.

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18 Comments

Filed under Calpurnia Jean, He's the DJ I'm the Rapper, La Vida Loca, My Secret Shame(s), Random Thoughts, The Cranial Toilet

18 responses to “Are We There Yet?

  1. oh, I love cheddar biscuits. Thanks for filling me on the down-low Chuckweasel wise.

    I don’t know why cats love dirty underwear or why they jump on the bed and plop down on the clothes you just laid out for work.

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  2. the clean clothes just out of the dryer thing I understand — I like to lay my head down in the warm clothes as well. And the work clothes thing is an attempt to keep you from leaving so you can stay home and do your REAL job (i.e., cat worshipping). But the underwear? We DO NOT have THAT kind of relationship, Callie Jean!

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  3. I’ve armwrestled Jesus. That fucker cheats. “Look, over there! Is that Judas?”

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  4. My cats are always claiming my unwashed stuff, dressing gown, pjs etc. I figure it’s cause it smells the most like mom and it’s safer than sitting on me when I’m trying to work. But when they commander D’s undies I’m all eww gross get off-ff that we don’t know where it’s beeeen!!

    My cats play cardboard box fox-holes or OMG did that carrier bag just move? I’d best go kill it then get scared and charge up the stairs (in a fake retreat) before running back at it again…for…hours..

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    • I always tell Callie Jean that I have heard things talking shit about her behind her back — “Ooooh, you better kill that piece of paper, did you hear what it called you?”

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  5. When I was folding my undies one time, my cat grabbed a pair and took off with it!

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    • Clean ones? What’s the appeal of clean ones???

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      • Emma Buktenica

        Folding… your… undies? I don’t understand. People actually fold them? I’ve never found a logical way to fold my panties, so I just throw them all in a big pile in the drawer. Also, that way I don’t feel so bad when I tear through them in the morning as I’m twenty minutes late and looking for the “right” pair.

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  6. Hey, you may be sick but you’re still damn funny.

    We have a woman that’s come in every day this week sicker than a dog. She sits across from me, and I hate her now, which is too bad, because actually she’s quite nice, but why does she insist that work would stop if she stayed home and got a grip on that cold? Why bring it to me??

    Pearl

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    • I know, right? And our company gives out plenty of sick days, PLUS the sickly fucker’s worked here forever and has even MORE time, so why not stay home until you’re completely well? I don’t want your germs!

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  7. Chris Cochran

    Doesn’t like cheddar biscuits? What the…. I need a moment to tell everyone I’ve ever met that I have proof of alien life forms living among us.

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  8. Does she like shoes? Po used to loooooove my stinky shoes. If I worked out she’d stalk me until I took my shoes off so she could stick her head in. So far in it usually got stuck and she had to do the frantic backing up backing up backing up around the room.

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    • Callie Jean loves shoes so much it’s kind of disturbing… and she seems to prefer them when they’re wet and gross from the snow. She ruuuubs her face all over them with her eyes closed and you can just hear her thinking “oooooohhhh, shoooooes…”

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  9. On number 3- I think some voodoo played a hand there somewhere. I’d keep an eye on Chuckweasel if I were you. Just sayin’.

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  10. Dear Sweet Mama

    You might want to remind him of that on occassion – I’m old, I can afford a little bad karma.

    Like

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