Non-Stick Science (Not Including Teflon)

As we all know, I’m an ENORMOUS dork.  Which means I spend a lot of my downtime watching stuff like the History Channel and National Geographic, so’s I can get my learn on.

My latest discovery: The Phaistos disk.  Which is a mysterious disk found on Crete with symbols carved on it that no one has been able to decipher.  One of the symbols looks like a cracker, another one looks like a cookie, there’s a couple that just look like sticks, a man’s head, and one the archaeologist guy says is a boat.  Well, fine, then.  I know what it says.

It says, “Get you some Nabs, and some Lorna Doone’s, and maybe some pretzel sticks.  People will like it, and you can take it on the boat.” It’s either a shopping list or a recipe for Minoan Chex Mix.  YOU’RE WELCOME, science.

And at the end of the show, they said it was probably a prayer to the Mother Goddess — well, duh.  Of course your mama tells you to take a snack with you.  There’s probably a symbol on there for “Don’t forget your jacket,” too.

Yes, I realize I have once again related everything to food.  I can’t help it, this weather makes me want to eat and eat until my fat little elbow can’t bend to get food in my mouth.  I made my seafood salad yesterday and I ate THREE sammiches — I gave myself the excuse that the croissants were smaller than I wanted, but to be honest, I’m just a little piggy when it comes to fake krab and mayonaisse.  I’m just going to eat and eat until none of my pants fit, and then I’ll sew them all together into one big Super-Pant that will astound the fashion world and make me bazillions of dollars… which I will spend on fake krab and mayonaisse.  And a servant to put chicken legs in my mouth.  Mmmm, chicken legs…

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16 Comments

Filed under GENIUS!, Random Thoughts, SCIENCE!

16 responses to “Non-Stick Science (Not Including Teflon)

  1. You know if we rip the seams of all our pants and replaced them with velcro, we could just add more pants as we need them. I think this would be a good plan for your skinny jeans as it would add inches for comfort and become useful again. We could call it build a pants with the added advantage of extra pockets.

    Now I want a crab sandwich. Not sure I should thank you or not.

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  2. that’s genius! it would be like add-a-bead necklaces, except with pants, and we would have customers for life becuase they’d have to keep buying “expansion packs” to add more pants!

    And the more sammiches we eat, the faster we can realize the dream of the Build-a-Pant Empire!

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  3. ROTFLYSST (rolling on the floor laughing yet somehow still typing)
    haha super pants 🙂 that idea is awesome, I can keep eating now and we can wear them together 🙂 I’ve been watching documentaries recently too although mine were all ‘I cant damn believe she shot my baby daddy’ and ‘did this woman poison this man with gatorade’ etc. The one you saw sounds interesting I like greek history and I’m going to have to go ask the google gods for more information.

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    • I also love the baby daddy shows and the “did this woman actually stab her husband in the neck with a fondue fork?” shows, that’s why I feel I should watch the History Channel to balance things out! The show was one of the “Ancient X-Files” series, I think — but I’ve been on an aliens kick lately, so who knows!

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  4. Your interpretation of the symbols seemed a little off, because wouldn’t the Mother Goddess also want you to wear clean underwear? But then I realized that Minoans probably didn’t have underwear. Another mystery solved and it isn’t even 9 a.m.

    You can’t beat that kind of productivity with a stick, yo. Really, you can’t…it makes it LESS productive.

    I have never had krab in salad form on a sandwich. I’m going to have to do that this weekend. And perhaps this will bring peace to the kingdom because The Boy has this weird delusion that pickle relish doesn’t belong in tuna fish salad…weird. But I wouldn’t put pickles in krab salad. And I would always choose krab over tuna.

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    • krab salad is excellent in a sandwich — even better if you eat it on a croissant like you’re la-di-da fancy. And pickle relish ALWAYS belongs in tuna salad — it’s one of the main must-hane ingredients! Tuna, mayo, relish — you can stop there if you’re lazy and it’s still good!

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  5. Dear Sweet Mama

    Like Angiharper, I was wondering about the clean underwear, but she explained it perfectly. My mother used to always ask that. I was just happy knowing that you were wearing any underwear. I too like pickle relish in tuna salad and the concubine does not. Strange. Come up here and make me some krab salad and we will work on a shirt to go with the add-a-pants. But wait, order now and you will get an extra pant to begin your collection!

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    • you always did set your sights low when it came to the underwear question — I blame your own misspent youth! And what is wrong with people who don’t put pickles in tuna??? THAT’S WHAT SWEET PICKLES EXIST FOR!

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  6. To me, everything looks like a cookie.

    I need to watch more educational TV.

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    • it really is sad, I was looking at this thing and I was like, “Oh, that’s a Nab” and “That looks like a Lorna Doone.” Then I shoveled krab salad down my neck so I had to stop talking.

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  7. I own a pair of super pants and believe me, the idea of super pants is way better than the pants themselves.

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  8. Pingback: For Your Viewing Pleasure | hoodyhoo

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