More Trickery!

Thanks so much for sticking with me through yesterday’s world politics rant… I try to just sit over here looking pretty, but it’s nice to know y’all love me for my brains as well! : )  Now, back to the swearing…

As we all know, my approach to paying bills is somewhat… we’ll say “haphazard.”  This is sometimes due to a condition known as “nothavinganydamnmoney,” but far more often, it’s because I am what the medical community describes as “a flibbertygibbit.”

The end result is that a significant portion of my mail is from people who want their damn money and don’t understand that I was gonna pay them but Firefly was on.  And I have no problem with that, but I DO have a problem with THIS:  Some of these motherfuckers have taken to using the “tear off edges, then tear off top”-style of mailer… which everyone knows is the international symbol for “Someone Has Sent Me A Check!”  To open up one of these things and instead of someone GIVING you money, it’s someone WANTING money… well, I do not have to accept this level of betrayal.

You know what happens then?  You get put at the BOTTOM of the “To Be Paid” file, sneaky fuckers.  Good luck with that.

Now some random bits:  I may have to stop listening to talk radio at all (even to scream at it) because it’s getting to be SOOOOOOO stupid I’m going to burst a blood vessel.  Between making fun of global warming and slamming President Obama, these guys are just out of control.  I keep waiting for the “President Obama caused global warming ’cause he’s from Kenya and we all know it’s hot there” argument.  I’m sure it’s not far off.

Also, I’m trying to get Dear Sweet Mama to start drinking those “Elations” drinks with the glucosamine and chondroitin in them to help her joints.  And she knows I have said many a time that they taste like hobo-foot goulash and so she tries to avoid it by using her shrimp allergy (yes, DSM is allergic to shrimp, a condition I contend she brought on herself by consuming an entire cocktail ring by herself one Christmas).   So I shot her down because the bottle says “contains no shellfish products” so they must be using shark cartilage instead, and no one is allergic to shark.

Then that got me thinking — actually, EVERYONE is allergic to shark:  Symptoms include sudden bleeding and the appearance of holes where your leg used to be.

Aren’t you glad I’m back to my usual self?



Filed under Random Thoughts, Reality Bites, WTF???

15 responses to “More Trickery!

  1. Dear Sweet Mama

    OK – so now I have a shark allergy as well. And, thinking of it, I may also be allergic to bears of all types – polar, grizzly, panda, brown though probably not teddy.


  2. Thanks for reminding me that I STILL haven’t paid my copay for my doctors visit four months ago. Want to lay odds on whether I remember to pop in while I’m two blocks away at lunchtime?


  3. Ahaha love the shark allergy! Ugh I am just as bad with the bills when they send me a “reminder” I go – aww crap I forgot to pay that (I always have good intentions but sometimes there are so many bills I forget one or I get distracted by something shiny) then I decide I’ll pay it when D gets the money on Friday – then Friday comes and I’m all lalalalala must do the food shopping, pay my rent and that’s it…until the next letter comes…then I’m all…heck where did the money go…


    • I’m finally getting to the point where I can buy frivolous things like food and rent and still have some money left to pay bills… now the only problem is actually DOING it!


  4. Chris Cochran

    Just check out my FB page for a good laugh.


  5. I have a spider allergy. Reaction include shaking, quivering, faint of heart and unusual high squealing.

    There really should be a support group.


  6. The single worst thing about being an adult is paying bills. Oh and sharks, because when you’re a kid you don’t give a fuck and swim in the ocean without a care in the world. Then you grow up and have to pay bills and worry about sharks.


    • I know, right? And according to Jersey Shore, the ocean is also full of whale sperm… I think I’m going to go on a bill-paying boycott until the government does something to prevent all these whales whackin’ it in the ocean!


  7. Dear Sweet Mama

    Oh my God – mental picture of my whale produced grandbaby – be sure to take your BCP at the beach and maybe wear a female condom. To hell with it, stay out of the ocean. And the pool. Some of the guys in that pool were scarey looking. A whale grandbaby would be better. And any woman who has had a baby will tell you they all feel like whale grandbabies.


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