Just sitting here trying to get my blood pressure back down after arriving at work this morning to discover the IT Terrorist has struck again (our IT guy sneaks in during the night and quote-unquote “fixes” shit that didn’t need fixed, thereby breaking important shit I need to do my job in the process). At least it’s not as bad as the time he took the whole computer away with him with nary a thought that THAT’S WHAT RUNS THE SHOW! But I digress. Let’s enjoy the latest antics of America’s Sweetheart, Calpurnia Jean.
So I bought Callie Jean some furry mouse toys (that I think are made of real fur but I’m trying not to think about it), the end result of which was to be threefold. One, they were far too large to be shoved under the coffee table to be imprisoned in Mouseschwitz, so I would no longer have to orchestrate biweekly jailbreaks. Two, they would encourage her to play with her own toys instead of stealing pens and hairbands or continuing her conquest of the Ottoman Empire (she’s eating the footstool, what else should I call it?). And thirdly, they would engage her little imagination and keep her out of the bathtub (there’s no water, but still).
What I didn’t consider is that furry mouse toys look distressingly like REAL mice, especially when stepped upon in the dark. Plus, I think they’re making her bloodthirsty — now, when she plays with her Number-One-Favorite toy (the wadded up piece of paper), she holds it down with one paw and RIIIIIPS at it with her teeth. If that were a mouse, there would be… bits.
In other news, today’s “If Heaven Were A…” is : “If Heaven Were a Town, It Would Be P-Town.” ‘Cause that’s gonna make for some very uncomfortable Baptists.