Life Imitates ARRRRGH!

Just sitting here trying to get my blood pressure back down after arriving at work this morning to discover the IT Terrorist has struck again (our IT guy sneaks in during the night and quote-unquote “fixes” shit that didn’t need fixed, thereby breaking important shit I need to do my job in the process).  At least it’s not as bad as the time he took the whole computer away with him with nary a thought that THAT’S WHAT RUNS THE SHOW!  But I digress.  Let’s enjoy the latest antics of America’s Sweetheart, Calpurnia Jean.

So I bought Callie Jean some furry mouse toys (that I think are made of real fur but I’m trying not to think about it), the end result of which was to be threefold.  One, they were far too large to be shoved under the coffee table to be imprisoned in Mouseschwitz, so I would no longer have to orchestrate biweekly jailbreaks.  Two, they would encourage her to play with her own toys instead of stealing pens and hairbands or continuing her conquest of the Ottoman Empire (she’s eating the footstool, what else should I call it?).  And thirdly, they would engage her little imagination and keep her out of the bathtub (there’s no water, but still).

What I didn’t consider is that furry mouse toys look distressingly like REAL mice, especially when stepped upon in the dark.  Plus, I think they’re making her bloodthirsty — now, when she plays with her Number-One-Favorite toy (the wadded up piece of paper), she holds it down with one paw and RIIIIIPS at it with her teeth.  If that were a mouse, there would be… bits.

In other news, today’s “If Heaven Were A…” is : “If Heaven Were a Town, It Would Be P-Town.” ‘Cause that’s gonna make for some very uncomfortable Baptists.



Filed under Calpurnia Jean, Random Thoughts, WTF???

12 responses to “Life Imitates ARRRRGH!

  1. Bigger mice…I should have thought of that when Esme was knocking hers under the refrigerator…every…freakin’…day. All 3 of them.


  2. I don’t know the “If heavan were a …” game. But I will give it a shot. If heavan were my backyard, I had have a magical unicorn that would do my dishes and fold my clothes.


    • there’s a terribly annoying country song that goes “If heaven were a pie, it would be cherry…” and so forth. Which annoys me no end, because if heaven were a pie, it would definitely be French Silk. So I make up my own words. And if you get that unicorn, send him over here when he’s done at your place!


  3. Dear Sweet Mama

    If Heaven were a movie, it would be Last of the Dogmen and I would be the cool archeologist woman living with the injuns. And you do not want to see what DSRTD (dearsweetrudithedaschund) does with those mice. Even though they are not his and he then has to apologize to Wallis for messing with her stuff.


  4. Ah, we have a Mouseschwitz too! But I would never try to stop my weekly jailbreaks; they make me a hero in Obi’s eyes. I mean, I magically create ten of his favorite toys by kneeling on the floor and waving my magic yardstick back and forth. I am freaking awesome!

    His favorite toy is the “teddy bear mouse.” Named that because it was bigger than him when I got it and it is made out of teddy bear type fabric. It catches some mighty fine air. And its full of catnip.


    • Callie Jean gets ticked off when I perform a Hogan’s Heroes for her “prisoners,” and she shoves them all back in and then steals all my pens and puts them in there, too. So far, she hasn’t flung anything but the wadded up paper, but that’s upsetting enough when it flies past your face! She does love her some catnip, though.


  5. So I was thinking about your bigger mice last night as Obi was tossing his around. And what you said about them being disconcertingly close to real mouse size. This is what I find disconcerting. Because the normal size mousies are bigger than Wyoming mice. And then I was very grateful to deal with the fact that it was -15 degrees…because putting an extra blanket on the bed is SO much easier than dealing with monster mice. I’m pretty sure our climate is what keeps the critters small.


    • the little mice that come like 6 to a pack are bigger than your mice? must be a Wes’ BYGAWD Virginny thing — we also have river rats that are literally bigger than raccoons!


      • I’ve always been grateful to live in Wyoming because it is kind of a rough climate so the bugs are small, the mice are small, and there aren’t any really creep things like cockroaches and mold and stuff. Just coldness. And no air.


  6. Pingback: This Post Brought to You By the Letter “F” | hoodyhoo

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