The Day Before the Day After Yesterday

So it’s snowing here in Wes’ BYGAWD Virginny — snowing like ten bitches on a bitch-boat, to be exact.  And this is really pissing off all the stupid people who think meteorologists have a Bat-phone to God or something and can tell you down to the minute when weather’s going to happen.  So, this week, they predicted it for yesterday and it hit us today.  It’s SCIENCE, people, not MAGIC!  Give the poor folks a break!

I tell you right flat now, that is a job I simply Would. Not. Have.  I was what they call a “weather anchor” (read T-and-A without a degree) for a very brief stint a long while ago, and Dear Sweet Mama always thought I should be a meteorologist so she could play with the hurricane models (yeah, she loves that shit) but lemme tell ya, it ain’t never gonna happen.  Those people are motherfucking SAINTS and I don’t have it in me not to just snap and go on the TV and say “Open a fucking window, you jackholes.”

Case in Point: I was working in TV news when the big tsunami happened (yes, I actually did used to do something even more bloodthirsty and voyeuristic than what I do now).  And the bosses kept chasing after our meteorologist, telling him to put together some “models” of the “storm.”  And he keeps telling them over and over that tsunamis are GEOLOGICAL events, just like earthquakes, and have nothing to do with the weather, but they just can’t grasp it.  Add that to the fact that everyone in management thought it was pronounced “toot-sommy,” and if it had been me, I’d STILL be in jail.

I mean, I have been known to get into screaming fights with the idiots who say “Look, it’s snowing.  So much for global warming.”  I swear, if I ever get a pile of money, I’m going to buy caseloads of “The Day After Tomorrow” DVDs and just pass them out to those people.  Then I’ll pat them on the head and tell them to run along while the grownups are talking.  Because one should always show kindness and compassion to the intellectually challenged and hold their hands while they cross the street.


Filed under I'm Confused, Random Thoughts, SCIENCE!, Weep for Humanity

18 responses to “The Day Before the Day After Yesterday

  1. ‘One should always show kindness and compassion to the intellectually challenged and hold their hands while they cross the street.’

    You should print that on a T-shirt and hand it out with the DvD’s then when you’re ready to scream and maim someone you’ll read their T-shirt and remember they have the IQ of a kumquat.

    On another note I did the weather stuff when getting my geography qualifications, it was awesome, but people just don’t get the weather shit. Thankfully since D also did the course (how we met sort-of, if meeting means he switched class to stalk..erm..sit with me) so we just look at the pretty pictures and he says things like “warm front, pressure” (is it me or does weather sound dirrrrty) and I say things like “cold front, air mass and prevailing winds” which makes me feel all cozy and intelligent debating weather with him – but not in the ‘how’s the weather today’,’it rained a bit’ kinda of way.


  2. Yes but you have to be qualified to see them on the maps 😛
    They teach you more about population and distribution, how industry works and about ecosystems (good think I also took biology) the best bit is yes I passed with flying colours but can I tell you where Israel is on the map…NO because they didn’t teach us where stuff is.


  3. Dear Sweet Mama

    It is snowing here as well. Of course, it is always snowing here at this time of the year. The next season we get will be mud. I am willing to go where there be dragons to have a little sunshine and heat. Was it just this past summer we went to the Outer Banks? It seems a lifetime.


  4. It is 50 degrees in Cheyenne, Wyoming. We can’t decide it weather guys have it easy or really hard here. You can pretty much sum things up with “we’ll have blue skies and some wind with good possibilities of snow, rain, hail and sun” every day. Even in June, because in the higher elevations it can snow any day of the year. And in late summer they can add in the chance of tornadoes. So…yeah. It’s easy. And hard because Wyomingites will threaten a lynching if you promise eight inches of snow (and we get all excited) and then there’s only two (and we wonder why we bothered putting our cars in the garage).


    • that’s the thing I don’t get — if there’s a lot of snow, people bitch. And if there’s not as much as you thought there’d be, people bitch. I mean,I’m ONE OF those people, but at least I recognize that I’m being stupid!


  5. Jan

    My dad has a masters in aeronomy and planetary atmospheres and shakes his head in disgust at climate arguments. I would hazard a guess that if anyone asked him to model a tsunami, he’d have burst a blood vessel!


    • I was expecting an aneurysm (spelled right on the first try, go me!) or something similar… and I wasn’t helping by sitting in meetings and snorting while trying not to laugh.


  6. I’m an IT manager for a smallish company and the part of my job description I abhor is support. While I appreciate your compassion for the slow witted:
    ” Because one should always show kindness and compassion to the intellectually challenged and hold their hands while they cross the street.”

    I am more likely to let go of their hands somewhere in the middle of the road and leave them to their fates.


  7. I noticed recently that one of the local Boston stations calls their weather segment “Futurecast.” Because, apparently, most people no longer know that “forecast” means “a prediction of something in the future.”

    Futurecast. I wish I could misremember that.


    • I find the little cutesy branding crap to be THE most annoying part of TV news… I never really noticed it ’til I worked there, but now it makes my teeth hurt… just remember, every time you hear something stupid like that, the rule for TV is “write for a third-grade reading level.” No shit.


  8. Chris Cochran

    …and remember while holding their hands to push them in front of texting drivers who can’t see them in time to stop.


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