Taxing Times

Well, it’s that time of year again, and once again my OCD-ness is placing me atop the horns of a dilemma:  I have gotten my W-2, so should I do my taxes now or wait for the deadline?  The dilemma is, if I’m going to get money back I want it now, but if I’m gonna have to write them fuckers a check, I’ll be writing it on April 15th.  BUT THERE’S NO WAY TO KNOW OTHER THAN DOING THE TAXES!  And before any of you smartasses suggest that I do them and then just don’t send them in yet if it turns out I owe, I’m sorry, have we met?  That would require a level of mental organization I simply do not have, and I GAIR-ON-TEE come April I would think to myself “Did I do my taxes?” and then remember doing them and think all was well.  And then I’d be in jail, and they don’t let you blog from jail, so where would you bitches be then?

What they should do is put a sticker or something on your W-2 that would let you know whether you were getting money or owing money.  Like Publisher’s Clearinghouse used to put “special” stamps and shit on the envelope to make you think your entry would definitely have a better chance than regular people’s.  On a related note, I was actually very upset when I discovered that EVERYONE got those “special” stamps.  I lost a little faith in Ed McMahon that day.

Besides, if I’m gonna do my taxes I’m gonna need my computer, which was last seen gasping for air under massive piles of crap in Petey’s Room.  So I guess I’ll need to tackle THAT before I even ponder the tax question.

On a completely unrelated note, it has once again snowed in Wes’ BYGAWD Virginny (it was supposed to be a lot more than it was, but we got mostly freezing rain instead).  Point being, the damn parking lot at Ye Olde Apartment Complex is still slicker than snot.  I’m serious, I have been to Alaska and walked on GLACIERS that aren’t as slick as that damn parking lot.  It CRACKLES when you walk on it, for the love of Mike!  I’m gonna go out some morning and find all the Redneck Hillfolk kilt flat dead on the ice and being eaten by raccoons!

And on another unrelated note, Chuckweasel did not appear to find the drinking list as amusing as the rest of us did, which is probably because Chuckweasel does not find it as funny as I do when he gets hammered on free Jello shots without really meaning to.  But he redeemed himself by making me a very tasty 15 bean soup, which then got me to thinking that I can’t even NAME 15 beans and feeling bad about my culinary skills, but then he admitted they come in a bag all together.  (To clarify, the soup has 15 KINDS of beans, not 15 total beans, that would be silly and not very much soup).  Crisis averted.

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12 Comments

Filed under GENIUS!, I'm Confused, Random Thoughts, Ye Olde Apartment Complex

12 responses to “Taxing Times

  1. Hoodyhoo, I love you and have absolutely nothing clever to say about taxes as I am famous for filing extensions. That is the level of my procrastination.

    On a completely random note, I just watched Jimmy Buffet fall on the stage, 3 times in a row and laughed each time. Perhaps he needed less jello shots and more 15 bean soup.

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  2. A thousand welcomes and thanks for encouraging my crazy BS! The Jimmy Buffett thing makes me sad… you know, once you’ve done a song called “Margaritaville” and followed it up with “Why Don’t We Get Drunk and Screw,” and then you fall off a stage… well, people are going to talk. They talk even if you HAVEN’T written any songs, and they don’t even check to see if I’m okay…

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  3. I need free Jello shots.

    15 kinds of beans? I didn’t even know there were that many. I thought there were 3: green, kidney, and baked. Learn something new every day here.

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    • I couldn’t think of 15, and that was even counting nasty ones like Lima and fava. Also, Dear Sweet Mama and I counted dark red kidney beans and light red pinto beans as separate kinds, so that was probably cheating.

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  4. I’m thinking Chuckweasel should make you 15 different bean soups, so you can fully appreciate each bean as an individual before you go lumping them together like that. Sure, he have to buy bags and bags of the 15 bean combo and separate them out, but it will be worth it in the end.

    There’s something clever to be said about separating beans -> counting beans -> doing taxes, but I’ve only had two and a half cups of coffee and coming up with the punchline is really too much to ask of my brain. So just know whatever it was that needed to be said was funny and laugh, okay?

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    • I don’t think you need more coffee — that was pretty funny by itself! The image of Chuckweasel surrounded by little piles of dried up beans will make me happy all day!

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  5. Do them early. You have a harsh tax system here I have to fill my form in from the 2nd April 2011 and have it submitted and paid for by the 31st Jan 2012. I have 6 months to pay them- it’s awesome.

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  6. Perhaps you could ice skate on the parking lot, I mean if you ice skate. How cool would that be? Oh, and I made 15 bean soup a few weeks ago (pre-no carb hell) and I think one of my intestines ruptured. I knew you’d want to know that.

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    • yep, totally with you on the ruptured intestines thing. I’m pretty sure some of the 15 beans have banded together against the other beans and they’re having some kind of Bean Civil War in there (I think the Black-Eyed Peas and the Great Northern Beans started it). And I would love to ice-skate on the parking lot (even though I’m not what you might call “graceful”) but there’s all these frozen ridgies in it from tire tracks and what-not, so I’d fall even more than usual.

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  7. I’m a geek! We all know I have nothing better to do with my life;

    Every package of 15 Bean Soup includes a seasoning packet and at least 15 of the following varieties of dried beans, peas, and lentils:
    black beans
    red beans
    Dark and Light Red kidney beans
    navy beans
    great northern beans
    Large and Baby lima beans
    pinto beans
    Green and Yellow split peas
    black-eyed peas
    Various forms of lentil
    Red Chief
    Eston
    Pardina
    Crimson
    Cranberry beans (shell beans)
    chick peas (garbanzo beans)
    Small white bean
    Pink Bean
    Commercially the soup is produced in the following flavors Ham, Cajun, Chili, Chicken, Beef and Vegetarian.

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  8. that list now has MORE than 15 kinds of bean! This is some kind of conspiracy, I just know it!

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