In our latest installment of “Adventures with Dear Sweet Mama,” we discover that she is capable of causing a generalized state of shock and dismay among friends and family WITHOUT EVEN BEING AWARE OF IT…
So, I goes onto Ye Olde Interwebz at home yesterday (which I don’t normally do because the computer is currently buried in the massive pile o’shit that is Petey’s Room and it takes many contortions to get to it). But I was gonna send a friend request to my very first ever best friend who Dear Sweet Mama had told me just friended her on the facebook, and I knew I’d forget if I didn’t do it right then.
So, I logs on, see, and the first update on my news feed is “Dear Sweet Mama is now single.” And I Lose. My. Shit. ’cause DSM and The Concubine have been together since Jesus was in high school and one would think, if them bitches WAS to break up, at least one of them might CALL ME? And all the comments are from my cousins and DSM’s friends going “Oh, I’m so sorry,” and “What happened?” and so forth, so I’m not the only one who’s hyper-fucking-ventilating.
So I break both ankles (not really, but they do hurt) trying to get out of Petey’s Room to get to the phone, only to call DSM and discover SHE DOESN’T KNOW WHAT I’M TALKING ABOUT! It seems DSM and The Concubine had decided they didn’t want their FB pages to be “attached” to each other anymore, so instead of, I dunno, just TAKING EACH OTHER OFF THE “RELATIONSHIP” PAGE??? Oh, no, DSM just switches her status to “single,” then logs off and goes on her merry little way.
It’s alright now and I made her fix it and post a big ol’ “I’m a dumbass” note to reassure everyone but FUCK, y’all! There for a minute I thought I was gonna lose my “Buy 3 Mother’s Day cards, get free wrapping paper” bonus and I CAN’T HAVE THAT!