Tales of Woe… um, Wee

You know “Jersey Shore” is getting even more fucked-up when the Trollkin-Weeble hybrid getting arrested is NOT the most white-trash part of the episode!  The Scary-Titty One PEED in the FLOOR?  SERIOUSLY???

(BTW, I do know their names, I just think my names for them are better)

WHAT THE HELL, MAN?  I mean, I have peed in a lot of places — as a small child, I was forever embarrassing Dear Sweet Mama by walking into a business and announcing, “Hey, I’ve peed here!”  What can I say, I’m a fan of the public restroom, yo.  And back in my “drankin'” days — you know, as opposed to “drinking” which is concerned with being social, whereas “drankin'” is entirely based on quantity… anyhoo, one time back in college when I had gotten my “drank” on, I did indeed pee in a Bob Evans parking lot (in my defense, it was located between the bar and my car and EVERYTHING WAS CLOSED, MAN! I had no choice!).  I will even admit, one time after I fell in the creek while canoeing and my jeans got too wet and shrinky to get off… I may have indeed peed the jeans (I was probably CWI — Canoeing While Intoxicated — which is really the only way to avoid the great black-hole of suck that canoeing entails).

But STILL?  In the FLOOR??? OF THE BAR??? Seriously, Scary-Titty-Girl, somebody has to clean that up!

Oh, wait.  You sprayed it with seltzer.  Yeah, that makes it fine.

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11 Comments

Filed under I'm Confused, La Vida Loca, My Secret Shame(s), Random Thoughts, Weep for Humanity, WTF???

11 responses to “Tales of Woe… um, Wee

  1. Crap, was it on last night? I thought it was Thursdays and I’ve now missed it.
    Woe is me, well, except for reruns, and Hulu, thank the orangeskingods.
    And I would have thought it would be the new midget who peed in a public venue.

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    • there was apparently a special one on Monday that I found in my DVR as a surprise — it was like a GTL Christmas! The new midget got “thow’d” outta the bar like 6 minutes after they got there, so she didn’t have time to pee!

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  2. I sympathise, I was once so drank the 15 minute walk home took two hours with me clutching my friend declaring at the top of my lungs that her shoes were evil, breaking my toes, I couldn’t walk and I was going to die. Then bursting into fits of giggles. As the walk took two hours and as I was totally Drankerd and kept giggling I had to go pee-pee in the park bushes.
    We still remember it fondly.

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    • however did you remain upright for the pee? I had to hang onto a stranger’s car and pray they didn’t have an alarm!

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      • Wilderness survival training you MUST remove undies, kick the ground you are going on so you make a divet, then crouch/squat stick your bum as far back as yo can go and ta-da sitting without touching the floor and not making a mess. I’m multi-talented.

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        • Kicking the hole in the ground is VITALLY important so you don’t pee on your feet. Callie Jean has yet to learn this lesson, so she is usually a white cat with pale yellow feet…

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  3. Ewwww!

    But I love your Bob Evans parking lot story. Once I peed on the side of a highway…it was an emergency. With me, it’s almost always an emergency. What can I say? I drink a lot of water.

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    • Chuckweasel was all like, “Big deal, I pee outside all the time,” and I was like, “But you’re a GUY, it’s easy for you. It’s a whole big production for us girls!” What a chauvanist.

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  4. Imagine all the hoochie diseases and half dead spermies from greasy man whores that fell out with that urine. I’m surprised DHEC and the CDC didn’t swoop in in hazmat suits to quarantine the area.

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  5. Pingback: Gimme a “W” | hoodyhoo

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