Possibly Dying… and C’est Vrai, You Suck 2

Ugh… waily, waily… I have finally gotten the cold I have been thinking was coming for awhile now, my head is full of snot and I’m too nauseous to talk (which is very bad when you’re on the radio).

But just because I feel like shit on a Triscuit is no reason not to share the latest episode of “C’est Vrai, You Suck.”  Here ’tis:

POSITION THE FIRST:  The word “law” is pronounced “lah,” therefore the word “lawyer” is pronounced “lah-yer.”

POSITION THE SECOND:  Everyone on the planet with the exception of one who shall remain nameless (but his name rhymes with Buck-feazel) says “loy-yer,” even the people on the law shows on TV, and TV is always right.

REBUTTAL:  But they don’t practice “loy”, they practice “lah.”  So it’s “lah-yer.”

RE-REBUTTAL:  But NO ONE but you says that!  Even people who practice “lah” say “loy-yer!”  It’s how it’s said!

BEING-A-BUTTAL:  And while we’re on the subject, it’s “toooor-nuh-ment,” not “ter-nuh-ment.”  Bon Jovi does not go on “ter.”

KISS-MY-BUTTAL:  Fine, I’m saying “attorney” and “competition” from now on, so you can bite me.  I will never say those other words again.  But you ARE wrong.

SHOWS-HIS-BUTTAL: And those aren’t the only words you say wrong.  You also can’t say “Chelyan” and I think you put 2 syllables in one-syllable words.

KICKING-BUTTAL:  Well, I think you say one-syllable words weird because you pronounce long-A’s as though they were soft E’s.  So I get the “mail” and you get the “mell.”  It’s weird.  And I say “Chelyan” the exact same way you do, I don’t hear a difference.

These are the kind of arguments you have in a relationship where both of you talk for a living.  But I’m right.  ALWAYS.

PS — Thanks to Noa for sending folks over here to peek in the window at my crazy monkey brain.  Feeding times are whenever I feel like it and poo-throwing is generally encouraged.  Poo-AIMING, however, is frowned upon.



Filed under C'est Vrai You Suck, I'm Confused, Twu Wuuv

19 responses to “Possibly Dying… and C’est Vrai, You Suck 2

  1. I AM that one person! I also once was fussed at during my stint at WalMars because I said “JOO-EL-REE” and not “jury”. I was forbidden ever again to use the intercom, even if the store was on fire because a disgruntled, denied-her-right-to-perform-open-mic-night-on-the-intercom employee torched the place.
    (Situation is hypothesis only and not an admission of anything. Anything at all. Not a peep of guilt from me. Nope. Move along now.)


    • I just tested myself and I say “jool-ree,” even though I know that’s not correct. I think my worst one is “surp” — most people put “see-rup” on pancakes, but I put “surp.”


  2. PS… I’m sorry you’re snotful.


    • the worst part is that I’m starving and nauseous at the same time… that shouldn’t be possible. Well, just a little longer and I can go home to my Dramamine and ginger ale.


  3. It’s so loy-yer, they might practise lah but when you put er on the end the word formation changes to the loy-yer pronunciation. So take that buck-feazel!
    D and I are having a massive argument atmo about how the worksheet he’s foisting on me is
    his opinion : It is definitely not a ticklist
    my opinion: It is a glorified ticklist

    (and the reason for said argument…everyone at his workplace agrees with me)


    • let me add that in the bright and shiny light of day I realise he had perhaps been sharing said ticklist with me in the hope I would sympathise and support his views…he clearly doesn’t know me very well…
      Get well soon chick 🙂 and radio?? What pray-tell do you do?


      • I love when they think just because we sleep with them means we think they’re smart or something… idden dat cute?
        (oh, and I’m a news-anchor, yo — which means I can foist my accent on the unwitting masses whenever I want!)

        And forgive the foolish American — is a ticklist like a “honey-do” list? like a list of chores he wants you to do? I hate that, especially when they are called a “honey-do” list, ’cause then that makes me think of melon and then there isn’t any melon.


  4. yes very similar although if you talk to D he’ll tell you it’s nothing of the sort 😉


  5. I agree with you. Totally.


  6. Oh, and I hope you feel better soon. Unless it’s the bubonic plague. And I mean, it’s not that I don’t wish you’d get better from the plague, it’s just that chances are you won’t. It’s like you’d have a less than 10 percent chance of surviving. Sorry, but that’s plague science and plague math. So really, I hope you don’t have the plague, but there’s probably a 40% chance you do. (More plague math.)


    • where do you get the idea that there’s only a 40-percent chance I have the plague? ‘Cause I’m pretty sure the probability of me having something horrible and fatal is at least 80 percent at any given moment, so it would have to be higher when I actually feel bad… yep, gonna have to get a wagon so Chuckweasel can put my dead , plaguified corpse on it and take me to London. It’s required.


      • A wheelbarrow will probably work best. And get him a bell. He can ring it whilst yelling “Bring Me Your Dead” and make some extra cash for beer later. Carting the dead is hard work I bet.


  7. And apparently Dear Sweet mama also agrees with Chuckweasel… I mean “buck-feazel”… but she used to say “Warshington” AND she’s the one who taught me to talk so if I’m wrong she’s the one who done did it. Ha.


  8. Dear Sweet Mama

    So – Dear Sweet Mama & her concubine (doesn’t that sound cool?) actually got out the big READER’S DIGEST DICTIONARY last night, and it looks like either (or ither) pronunciation may be right. But she says loy-yer (and she used to be married to one) so I am going to switch sides and get on the right one for a change. It is loy-yer unless you choose to use blood sucking bahstid, which works for me unless we are referring to your cousin Michael. And I never said Warshington. Oh, hell – maybe I did. Between the concubine making fun of my southern redneck pronunciation and too many years above the Mason-Dixon, I have a whole lists of words I try not to use because I can’t remember which one is “right”. Like the many trips to the Outer Banks when we didn’t know if we were going the right way or had just been lost there before. Life is a mystery.


  9. Dear Sweet Mama

    By the way – when you go to London, be sure to go to the British Museum. If they will allow a plague corpse in, of course.


  10. Chris Cochran

    D*mn this is funny. I of course remember laughing with (at) you for making fun of rednecks turning dyke into a three syllable word.


  11. Pingback: Mystery Solved! | hoodyhoo

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