It’s a Cat’s Life

You know the phrase “It’s a dog’s life,” which is used to indicate that something is very crappy and difficult… well, I have decided to start using “It’s a cat’s life” to describe things that are easy and awesome.

My reasoning can best be explained by comparing and contrasting my own life with Calpurnia Jean’s.  Let’s begin.

WAKING UP:

Me:  Alarm goes off at Oh-Dark-30 and I drag myself up and IMMEDIATELY FEED THE CAT before I’m allowed to do anything else.  I then get as clean and dressed as can be expected at this hour, and zombie-drive to work.

Callie Jean:  Strange sound makes Girl groan and get up, whereupon she gets me something to eat.  I eat a leisurely breakfast while she does something in the back of the house, then I get back in the bed in time to collect my kiss goodbye before Girl goes Out.  I sleep.

DAILY GRIND:

Me: After spending the morning at work, I do whatever errands need doing before going home to IMMEDIATELY FEED THE CAT!  I then do whatever house chores need doing, FEED THE CAT AGAIN, and consider getting something for myself to eat.

Callie Jean:  Wake up when Girl comes back from being Out; eat the food she puts down for me.  Go back to bed or curl up on the couch to watch Girl do weird things in the room where she keeps the food.  Possibly run up and down the hallway, scratch chair, play with toys… check to see if Girl has left any elastic hair ties where I can steal them.  Go back to bed until Girl sits down, then demand next feeding.  Eat, then nap on the couch.

MEALTIMES:

Me:  Get up, stare into fridge and pantry until something looks good, then prepare it.  Avoid feeding the cat and explain that my being in the kitchen does not always mean it’s time for her to eat.  Put food on plate, carry into living room to eat in front of TV.  Give cat whatever parts of my food she decides are rightly hers.

Callie Jean:  Follow Girl around the room where she keeps the food to remind her that I also like food.  Follow Girl to couch and investigate what she is eating.  Demand my fair share.  Chew up some bits, then spit out and leave lying on the floor so Girl has something to clean up later.  Go back to bed.

BEDTIME:

Me:  Roll up in blankets with a book and try to drift off.  Wake up when book falls over and hits me in the face.  Put book aside, begin nightly cat-petting ritual.  Wait until she is comfortable, then try to go back to sleep.

Callie Jean:  Move off center of bed to make room for Girl to lie down, lay down on top of her book.  Encourage Girl to engage in petting, laying down on book as often as needed. When Girl shuts off light, move onto Girl’s chest and knead into comfortable position.  Go to sleep with butt directly in Girl’s face.  Fart repeatedly.

I think next time around, I want to be HER pet!

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15 Comments

Filed under Calpurnia Jean, La Vida Loca, SCIENCE!

15 responses to “It’s a Cat’s Life

  1. Hahah I am going to use the “cat life” idea to describe when things are awesome now too 🙂

    Kitalpha broke into our bedroom last night she was so happy to have cuddles at stupid o clock that I squished her into the bed between me and D to get her to go to sleep. She then proceeded to salivate, shake head, saliva hits me in face, I turn over disgusted, she gets up for more cuddles.
    D said he tried not to move last night because of her and so has a dodgy knee today, every time either of us moved she was all “yaaay youse is awakes, times for cat cuddles *salivate salivate*”

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    • Callie Jean does that spitty thing, too, I don’t think you can call it drool, because drool just drips and this stuff flies through the air… what IS that? Wouldn’t you think they’d be able to tell that was happening and maybe STOP DOING IT?

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  2. What is with cats and laying on books? My cat does that all the time. So did the cat before her.

    I always feed my cat as soon as I wake up, too. It’s safer that way. Sometimes I wake up, feed her, and then go back to sleep. Also safer.

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  3. My cats used to live a luxurious life like yours does. A puppy has moved into their home and theyare not happy!

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  4. Chuckweasel

    Don’t forget about Calpurnia’s one job in the house that must bring in some kind of income::

    Mouseschwitz

    It’s the place under the coffee table that all of her prisoners….I mean…hair bands, straws, straw paper, ink pens, pepperoni chunks, and miscellaneous food that has hit the floor stays without the possibility of escape because Calpurnia has this place on lockdown tighter than Auschwitz.

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    • I told you not to tell people about Mouseschwitz! Now it’s gonna get all Hogan’s Heroes up in here and I SO don’t need Richard Dawson making radios out of my small appliances!

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  5. I want to come back as one of pets too. They run the house, but refuse to clean.

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  6. I was just saying yesterday that I would like to be one of the boys. Though they had a hard day yesterday. Oliver has decided he does not like beef Friskies. He could not get anyone to open a different can. So he ate only enough to survive until it was time to eat from the 24-hour supply of kitty krunchies. It took his several naps before he managed to wake up on the right side of the bed after that. Since Obi’s job is to lick the plates clean, then the fork, then the entire breakfast area, he was about to explode from the extra helping of cat food. Poor, poor kitties.

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