It Might Be a Good Idea If…

1.  …my computer was blocked from accessing WebMD.

2.  …someone set my cable controls to block “1000 Ways to Die,” “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant” and all the shows about weird diseases and parasites and how you can get them and not know it til they kill you… yeah, I shouldn’t be allowed to see that.

3.  …the neighbors pitched in to buy soundproofing for my apartment so they could stop hearing me yell “You stupid whore!” at the girls who don’t know they’re pregnant and “That’s why I stay the fuck home!” at the people who get weird foreign parasites.

Actually, I might make a good reality show myself… what with all the yelling at the TV and weird cleaning behavior.  At least other crazy people could watch me and feel a little better about themselves… kind of like I do with the weird parasite people.

Also, should I feel bad about myself that I will immediately watch any show about strange medical conditions/addictions/what-have-you?  Isn’t this just as sick as going to a freak show at the carnival?  But at least these freaks are presumably getting paid in money to be on the TV, not like the old days when they got paid in live chickens or something…

I really should have gone to sleep yesterday instead of watching TV all night.




Filed under La Vida Loca, My Secret Shame(s), Random Thoughts, Reality Bites, Weep for Humanity

12 responses to “It Might Be a Good Idea If…

  1. Who needs WebMD when you can watch House? That’s how I diagnose myself.


  2. Oh dear me, I’m just as bad with scaring myself watching those shows, hmm maybe I can buy my neighbour soundproofing so I don’t hear his dog any more, or would that be considered rude?


    • hmmm… I think it’s a better idea to just start making a lot of noise yourself so he’ll buy his own soundproofing. Plus, if he comes over to complain, just say “Oh, I’m so sorry, I couldn’t hear it over YOUR DOG.”


  3. On the phone last night, my mom made me promise to call the doctor this week to talk about my ass pain. Why couldn’t I have chronic pain in a place that doesn’t require a rectal exam? Sigh. I told my mom that WebMd says my tailbone is just bruised and I *probably* don’t have ass cancer, but that didn’t go over well.


  4. I have to keep remembering to not watch medical shows. I LOVE the show where the women go to the bathroom with gas cramps and drop a baby in the toilet. THAT is television at it’s best.


    • That’s “I Didn’t Know I Was Pregnant!” It is my FAAAAAYVORITE! The best one so far was the woman who stopped taking birth control because her boyfriend was being deployed (the idea being she wouldn’t need it, I guess) but she stopped A MONTH before he left! What??? And I love how they always get all up in the doctor’s face about how they CAN’T be knocked up… and then they ARE, Blanche, THEY ARE!


  5. Don’t forget about I use that and WebMD, and then choose the diagnosis I like best.


  6. Shoulda gone to bed instead of watchin that jacked up tv? AINT THAT THE TRUTH.

    I made the mistake of watching a show last night about a woman who was addicted to eating toilet paper. After watching a commercial about a woman who was addicted to eating couch cushions. But before watching a woman who likes to sleep with a blow dryer in her bed.

    God, I hate tv.


    • I have that show sitting on my DVR, but I don’t know if I can stand to watch it ’cause there’s a girl who eats her own hair — that’s so nasty, I just don’t know if I can take it!


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