Has it occurred to y’all that we are all just a flick of a switch away from reading by candlelight and pooping in a bucket? I mean, seriously, think about it.
Living as I do in Wes’ BYGAWD Virginny where the water system is so old most of the pipes still say “CLAVDIVS FABRICAT,” I am fairly used to not actually DRINKING the drinking water, because only a fool would do that. I do, however, like to USE the water, and this is where the water company and I disagree. See, they like to turn off the water — A LOT — while they quote-unquote “fix” things… yeah, whatever. The upshot is, they turn off our water service whenever they damn well feel like it.
Now, here’s a lesson, kiddies: A toilet ceases to be a modern convenience when there is no running water. It then becomes a bucket. That you poop in. And then keep for later. Nice.
It may come as a surprise, I’m not the world’s most patient person. I’m more likely to think that “Patience” is a good name for your Amish baby (that you bought at http://www.getyouanamishbaby.com — for God’s sake don’t try that address!). Anyhoo, the upshot is that every time the water guys decide to “fix” things, I’m on the phone in a New York minute,
bitching… uh, inquiring as to when they’ll be done. Last time, on about the third call in 3 hours, they actually told me the crews were backed up because they were in a meeting! They TOOK OUR SHIT APART and then went to a MEETING! While we sat in our homes with buckets of our own poop! What is this, fucking Uganda?
On a related subject, our power company… how to say this… “encourages its customers to be self-sufficient.” In other words, if it rains, snows, gets windy, or somebody looks at the lines funny, that shit’s going off. My eyesight isn’t the greatest to begin with — do I REALLY need to be reading by fucking candlelight like Sir Issac Fucking Newton? And don’t even suggest I shouldn’t read — we’ve already established I’m not allowed to play cards!