Sing it, Prince. Sing it.
(Sorry to get a little preachy today, but somebody has done lit the string on my Tampax and Imma ’bout to get a witness up in here! Don’t worry, this post is still snarky… so somebody hold my heels while I climb up on this here soapbox.)
When I graduated from high school, they gave us all our regular diplomas as well as a little wallet-sized, laminated version. Now, I don’t know if all schools do this, and at the time, I thought it was pretty useless — I mean, how often do you ever need to prove you’re a high school graduate on a moment’s notice? But now, I am double the age I was when I graduated from high school… and I’m thinking of getting that damn thing put on a t-shirt.
That way, when people who are far, far old enough to know better try to involve me in their infantile backbiting and bickering, I can just point at the shirt and say, “Sorry, perhaps you didn’t notice I’m not a 15-year-old girl.” The point of all of us being such dicks to each other in high school was that we would GROW OUT OF IT, but it seems like a lot of people were absent that day.
For me, high school was hell. I was a smart, nerdy, scrawny kid who read too much and got all the jokes on “The Young Ones.” I was never going to be popular and my few forays into “Mean Girls” territory made me feel so bad about myself that I Just. Stopped. Doing it (shocking, right?). Don’t get me wrong, I WILL get all up in your face like a surprise guest on the “Jerry Springer Show” if you piss me off — but the point is, it will be in your face, as in “TO your face.” As in, NOT BEHIND YOUR BACK.
Someone much smarter than I once said, ” Opinions are like assholes. Everybody has one, and most of them are full of shit.” I don’t mean to tell you not to have an opinion, and I will fight to the death for your right to express it… just own it. Say what you think up-front and in-person, I ain’t mad atcha. But sneak around talking trash behind somebody’s back because you’re too fucking cowardly to confront them? Fuck you, read my shirt. I can’t be doing this two-faced BS — I’ve only got enough eyeshadow for one.
End of Rant