She’s Making Her List…

FACT:  I love to eat.

FACT:  I work a weird schedule.

FACT:  I am lazy and cheap… uh, frugal.

What does all this mean?  It means I loooooooove, with an affection most people reserve for their children, the stinky, greasy goodness that is fast food.  However, like all relationships, this love affair has had its ups and downs… I give you:


1.  Taco Bell

Now, don’t get me wrong, I love the Bell, but they broke my heart when they quit making Tostadas.  Especially since they still make other stuff that uses all the same ingredients that go into a Tostada, so I know they’ve got all that shit back there, so MAKE ME A TOSTADA!  And while we’re at it, get the RICE out of my Taco Salad and start using green onions again!  The recall was YEARS ago and you know you’re just not using them ’cause you’re cheap fuckers!

2.  Wendy’s

You motherfuckers had ONE really good thing you did — the Big Classic.  But you had to go and stop making it and start all this other 9-patty nonsense instead.  NOBODY FUCKING WANTS THAT!

3.  McDonald’s

You bastards are just toying with us.  First, you create the world’s most perfect burger… the McDLT (if you don’t remember the McDLT, you’re probably too young to be reading this blog).  But no, McDonald’s, you took the McDLT away from us, but then you gave us the McRib as a consolation.  BUT THEN — you started all this “limited time only” “farewell-tour-no-not-really” BS just to screw with our heads!  STOP IT!

4.  KFC

You shouldn’t have changed the fat.  The bad fat was what made the chicken good. ‘Nuff said.

5.  Arby’s

You’re just gross.  The only reason you exist is to remind me how sad I am that there aren’t no Rax no more.

6.  Dairy Queen

What the hell, man?  Every Dairy Queen I see has either lost its franchise (therefore making it a Dairy… Parliament?) or turned into an ice-cream-and-hot-dog-only joint.  Where’s the damn burgers?  I was counting on you to pick up the slack now that Wendy’s has shit the bed!

7.  Boston Market and Popeye’s Fried Chicken

Fuck you, fuck you both right in the ear for showing your commercials in my area when I ain’t got one of your restaurants to go to.  You too, Dave & Buster’s and Joe’s Crab Shack!

And on a related note… Papa John’s. Don’t stop selling that tasty-like-heroin Deep Dish pizza in my delivery area and then tell me there’s no demand for it!  I demand for it!  How many do I have to get per week to get that shit back?

<whew> I feel a little better now.



Filed under WTF???

14 responses to “She’s Making Her List…

  1. No complaints about dominos, subway or pizza hut? Really? I’ve got a list as long as my arm! I’m with you on the KFC and Macdonalds, as soon as they made everything “better for us” that translated to “tasteless.” I’m all for knowing my chicken came from the good bits of the bird but what on earth have they started coating mcnuggets with??? My only happy thing is that a Dixy chicken has opened up which is the old style fatty KFC …i just buy the buckets (for mere pence compared to KFC) and dance around my living room while eating the skins. Thats right KFC my “happy time it’s KFC” dance NO LONGER BELONGS TO YOU – bow your heads in shame….

    I’m hungry now, think I’m gonna go get me a dixy – *sings* “happy time it’s dixy, they make chicken fun, when it comes to chicken they are number one”


  2. Dear Sweet Mama

    And what ever happened to Sister’s Chicken and Biscuits – great menu, biscuits with #1 sausage gravy, #2 chicken with gravy #3 strawberries and cream. Gone in the night and no one knows where. I don’t care if they were money laundering or selling crack cocaine – bring them back, I miss them so!


  3. Does it say something about us as people that we will completely overlook any kind of illegal activity as long as somebody makes a good dumplin’?


  4. I’m not a big health food nut, or anything like that- but I despise most fast food. It just tastes bland and nasty greasy to me. But I make up for this by enjoying nasty, sugary candy.


    • Dude, I started reading that and was totally prepared to bust you out — (Two words. Circus. Peanuts.)… but then you came clean and admitted your addiction. Somebody get Laura a folding chair and a cuppa coffee.


  5. Well dixy is just kfc rip-off franchise they only appear to have ONE American outlet so maybe you could start your own and eat all your profits 🙂 the best bit, THEY DELIVER.


  6. I hate to break your heart, but here in my neck of the woods, Taco Bell still sells Tostadas. Not at every Colorado location, because so many have merged with Pizza Hut and KFC, which you’d think would have been a good thing, because you can order potato wedges (I can eat these until I pop), a Tostada, and Personal Pan Pizza all in one place. But no, the Kentucky Taco Huts have limited menus, and don’t serve all three things anymore. The old, real Taco Bells have Tostadas. And 7-layer burritos, too, which I love. What really annoys me about Taco Bell is you can order food with the green sauce (did you know they have green sauce?) but they don’t give out packets of the stuff. Probably because they know I’d come in and fill my pockets.


    • See, now they’re just screwing with my head — not only can I not get a Tostada, but I don’t think I’ve ever had green sauce. This secret-keeping is childish and unbecoming, Taco Bell. You diminish us all.


  7. No Papa John’s? ::GASP::

    I went to Taco Bell for the first time in awhile and discovered rice in my Taco Salad. I was hoping it was a mistake.

    (BTW, I’ve made it my personal mission to comment on all your blog posts this morning. I’m not weird, I just have a lot of free time, and I’m really enjoying your blog. Alone With Cats can vouch for my noncraziness.)


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