Livin’ the Life, Yo

As most of y’all have probably figgered out by now, I’m a 30-something ol’ spinster lady who lives by herself with a cat.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I do love my dear sweet Chuckweasel to oodles and pieces… but there IS something to be said for having a “S.O” (significant other) who does not “L.I.” (live-in)!

So, without further ado, I present:  The Benefits of Living Alone.

  1. The bathroom door is a matter of CHOICE.
  2. Both the remote control and the thermostat are MINE, bitches.
  3. All leftovers fall under my domain.  If there’s Chinese food when I leave for work, there will still be Chinese food when I get home.
  4. I can eat in both the bed and the bathtub without getting any shit for it (although the bed will narc you out if you’re not careful).
  5. 3 words:  Twix.  For.  Breakfast.
  6. 3 more words.  Popcorn.  For.  Dinner.
  7. I don’t have to bust my ass cleaning house until it’s so funky I can’t stand it… and I can stands me some funk.
  8. I can drink wine out of a coffee cup without embarrassment.
  9. If someone farted, it was me.  Or sometimes Calpurnia Jean (if that happens, RUN).
  10. I can crank up the iPod and do my patented “Never-Was-a-Cheerleader-But-Damn-Wouldn’t-I-Have-Been-A-Good-One” dance routines without being interrupted by laughter. (You don’t know from talent, Chuckweasel!)

And an extra-special “Why Does She Tell Us This Stuff?” bonus:  If I think my feet may smell, I can check without trying to be smooth about it.




Filed under La Vida Loca

4 responses to “Livin’ the Life, Yo

  1. Oh I totally agree with this whole list. Living alone has so many advantages, that list can go on forever.


  2. as if we needed further proof… last night’s dinner? Frozen Waffles. How many, you ask? FOUR. Why four? Because that’s all there were.


  3. Twix for breakfast? You’re my hero.


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