Let’s skip past the obvious question of why I was playing cards with the cat, because the answer is obviously: She wanted to. So I was playing solitaire with real cards on my bed because I’m old-skool like that and the cat decides to flop her big white butt on the cards. So I said, “Do you want to play cards, too?” and she got up and sat by my legs, which I took as a yes. Now, the only card game one can legitimately play with a cat is “War,” so I dealt out 2 piles of cards and explained the rules. Well, luck of the draw had her losing probably 4 out of every 5 times, and we had no sooner started the second go-round when she got up, sat down on my pile, and began to wash her intimate parts. That, I have been told, is Cat for “Fuck you,” so I can only assume she is trying to say I was cheating. Which I wasn’t. Yet.
Because I wasn’t ABOUT to LOSE to a CAT.