As opposed to Chicken Fingers… mmmm, chicken…
SCENE: Hoody and Dear Sweet Mama are watching the New Year’s Resolution episode of “American Dad,” in which Deputy Director Bullock wants to chop off someone’s finger (don’t worry, no spoilers).
DSM: So, what finger would you pick?
HH (without missing a beat): Well, it can’t be my left hand, ’cause I might get married someday and I don’t wanna fuck up the pictures. (You know, the one where it’s both your hands with the bling showing? I love that).
DSM: But then it’s your RIGHT hand… and that’s gonna be creepy for handshakes.
Hoody and DSM proceed to shake each other’s hands with various fingers held back, testing for creep-factor.
DSM: But wait, is it the whole finger or is there a stump?
HH: I don’t want a stump, I think that’s somehow more creepy than just not having an entire finger.
The outcome of this discussion was the decision that the right pinky finger would be the way to go. However, after further consideration, I must withdraw my vote for the right pinky, because I hold it out while sipping beverages in order to appear fancy (yes, all beverages). So, to preserve my fancy, if I ever get married, the
poor schmuck other person will just have to hold their hand over mine in such a way as to hide the fact that I have no LEFT pinky. If I’m ever in a finger-cutting-off dilemma, that is.
That’s love, right there.