The Night the Lights Went Out in Joisey

(Note:  This entry is intended to lighten the moods of its readers, not to in any way downplay or marginalize the devastating losses suffered — and still being suffered — throughout the Northeast.  May all the lost rest safe in the arms of the Lady, and those who are left find solace and renewal.)

1.  The first thing you discover when 3 (allegedly) grown-ass women are trapped in a relatively small house together with no electricity is an entirely new verb tense:  Third-Person Passive Aggressive.  For example:

“Well, SHE said…”   “Why does SHE get to…”   “I don’t see why SHE…”

And yes, if you’re wondering, I am usually SHE.

2.  Which brings us to our next lesson:  Sentences beginning with or even using the word “Why” ist VERBOTEN.  Come to think of it, this may be a good general rule all the time… Do not ask such questions, young Padawan; there are no answers.  DSM and I have established (alright, talked about establishing but not actually done anything about) a “Why?” Jar — like the Swear Jar, you have to put a nickel in every time you use the Forbidden Word.  Proceeds will be used for liquor.

3.  In New Jersey, a National Disaster means cute little red-headed girls will come knocking on your door to ask you out on a date.  Now, DSM says that’s not what “Would you like to come have a hot meal?” really MEANS, but I’m choosing to believe I am JUST. THAT. IRRESISTABLE.

4.  McDonald’s tastes like manna from freakin’ HEAVEN after several days of soup and questionable freezer-meat.

5.  On that note, when in doubt, THROW IT OUT!!!

6.  A days-long blackout is not a good time to have an abcessed tooth awaiting removal (the appointment WAS for the Tuesday after the Event).  Or, as in stepbrother Luke’s case, a raging case of systemic poison ivy (which I maintain he got for playing with himself and making the Baby Jesus cry).

7.  I hereby take back every nasty thing I ever said about the Snuggie/Forever Lazy line of products.  And I’m ordering some RIGHT NOW.

8.  Once you’ve been in the dark for a week, the lights coming back on scares the FUCK out of you.  And the house is hot as balls now that the heat’s working again!  58 degrees is downright balmy!

9.  Whatever your religious preference, one thing is certain:  God/dess is a Springsteen fan.

And seriously now, #10.  One thing you gotta say for Joisey — they take care of their own.  Even when you’ve only been “their own” for a couple of months, like yours truly — the sense of community and “we’re all in this together-ness” throughout this whole thing has been AMAZING.  Good on ya, Joisey.  Ya makin’ Hoody proud.